Over the weekend, I made the quick drive to Dallas for Hope Spoken, a women’s conference celebrating the beauty of the story God’s written for our lives. I am usually not a huge proponent of conferences; I find I get overwhelmed by the big groups and long for a sense of authenticity. But this was different. This was vulnerability at its best, encouragement, stories of redemption, beauty, and love, and not to mention, the most delicious sweet treats imaginable. The speakers touched my heart and stirred so much within me, and as I unpack what has been written on my heart, I want to share it with you. I want to share it so that you might find hope, because maybe you need to hear it too, and know that you are not alone.
Of all of the speakers at the conference, there was one who I was particularly excited to hear: Shauna Niequist. She writes in a way that when you read her books, you feel as if you are with an old friend. Her words have brought me comfort, tears, and hope, for she writes and speaks about the human experience in such a way that you almost feel like she is writing just for you; just what you need to hear in this season of your life. This time was no different, as she spoke about living a life of “More Love, Less Hustle.” Ever since I began student teaching this semester, my life mantra has been more hustle. I wake up each morning with what feels like barely enough energy to open my eyes, and from the minute I wake up, I am rushing. I am rushing to drink my coffee, a ritual I so cherish, but am not finding much solace in these days. I am rushing to get dressed, head out the door, and make it to school on time. When I am at school, I am constantly conscious of the clock. Can’t be late for lunch, P.E is at 11:02, make sure the activity is ready for center time, and the list goes on. And when the school day is done, the to-do list is always lingering. My mind is consumed with things I believe I need to accomplish. Things I should have in order. And each day the list grows and I collapse into bed feeling like what I did wasn’t enough. Not accomplished or capable enough. And this way of living, it is draining. I am running on empty and driving far from my destination, a place of rest. This way of living is depleting me and I am not living the intentional life I want to be living. I am in such a beautiful season right now. I am graduating from college and am celebrating friendships, and hard work, and long held dreams. And in just four short months I am leaving for the World Race. What I keep telling myself is that I should be full of whimsy and joy. Should be. Shauna said it right when she said, when we use should to describe our experience, that alone is a warning sign. It is a warning sign because it means we aren’t at a place that we want to be. I should be savoring each and every moment, for this season will end all to soon, but my life song is hustle. And I am missing so many beautiful moments because of that. Hustling makes me numb, and it scares me that I might be too numb to truly experience what God is teaching me in this season. And when I am living in fast forward, I am not using the gifts God has blessed me with. I am preoccupied and rushed and not living in a way that glorifies what Jesus is doing each day in my life. And if I am honest, I am using my busyness as a shield, an armor of sorts. In my mind, if f I am busy, it means I am capable and accomplished. Even further, it means people will like me. And each time I fall into this thinking, this faulty logic spurred by insecurities, I am let down. I am reminded that what I really want is not to be “capable” or “accomplished,” but loved. That’s all we ever really want. So, I am abandoning my shield of hustle, because being accomplished isn’t a prerequisite for love in God’s book. So here it is, more love, less hustle. I am choosing to slow down. And that will probably mean that the to-do lists will still be there and the laundry might pile up, but I don’t want to miss any more of God’s beautiful handiwork. I want to live in communion with the world around me, savoring each brushstroke that our Lord paints each day. So join me–more love, less hustle–because it is so worth it.
