Razgrad. This month has been hard for new reasons.
The end of the World Race is in sight and I want to reach out and take a hold of it sometimes. To sit at home on the couch snuggled up with my family. To have my friends all come visit (cause I ain’t gonna have any money to go anywhere haha). To find a job and make money again. To maybe start a relationship with someone if the timing is right. To eat my weight in Mexican food and milkshakes. Real, thick, peanut butter fudge milkshakes from Cook-Out. To get back to “normal life.” Because as fabulous as this life is on an adventure with Jesus, I am ready to get settled in somewhere more consistent and permanent. I most definitely am excited and present in these next three months because, oh, has this month shown me so much about God and myself. But it’s hard when September is next week. Month 9.
This month has also been hard because we haven’t really spent the full month in one place. Christina and I spent the first two days here in Istanbul. Then we spent a week in Varna, then last week in Razgrad, and this week we leave for Romania. I am not allowed to settle. I build relationships that end far too quickly. At lease in the sense of hugging, hanging out and performing silly skits together, eating too many Oreos, drinking an entire two liter, and growing in our connecting with God. I am so freaking tired of having to say goodbye. I want to be able to stay somewhere longer than three and a half weeks. I want to be able to do life long term with someone, with lots of someones. To watch people grow into who God made them to be.
Even as I type this God reminds me of the lesson he taught me in Vietnam, that people are not mine to hold onto; they are His to give and take away. My control is so finite; His is so infinite.
I know that even though I have to fall in love three more times, say goodbye three more times, that each face that buries itself in the depths of my mind, each soul that connects with mine – it was all for a purpose. His purpose. And what a beautiful reward that is. That He would share his work with me. This morning we heard about the wedding at Canaan where Jesus turned the water to wine. The verse that stuck out to me was where Jesus told the servants to bring the jars. He didn’t actually need them to bring the jars to him. He just invited them to be a part of the miracle he was doing. Just like he is inviting me to be part of the work he is doing in the world. Because as my first blog says, goodbye is a necessary life skill. And sometimes you have to release something to gain something new.
