I am a World Racer.
Before I start, I have a disclaimer for future world racers. I am not going to divulge the secrets of training camp. I truly wish I hadn’t read some blogs on what to expect. God broke me of my need for a schedule and a need for control (although I still have a long way to go on learning to go more with the flow and enjoy the moment I’m in). Even though I had read all these blogs and tried to get all the knowledge I could about the week that is training camp, I still had to live it. No amount of knowledge prepares you for the way the Lord is going to break you down to build you up, for the challenges of being tired, hungry, wet, and cold (if you go in October). It looks different for each person and it is part of the process to becoming a World Racer. Even though I had all these expectations of camp, it turned out a lot different than I thought.
We had monsoons for the first five days and were under tornado watches for two full days so our schedule wasn’t a typical camp schedule partially because of potential dangerous weather. By the end of the week, I just soaked in the time I got to be around these amazing men and women of God. They all get it, this dream to see God move in big ways in foreign places and when the rest of the world is confused or doesn’t understand, they will. And I know they will always protect my heart and speak truth to me, even if it hurts sometimes. It’s been three days and I miss them something fierce. If a week together did this to us, I don’t want to imagine what a year from now will look like when we have to go our separate ways. I love them all so deeply. Their faces are engraved in my heart and mind.
If you want to hear about the play by play of all the things we did at camp, shoot me a Facebook message or an email and I would love to meet for coffee to tell you. This blog is more about things that happened in my heart and spirit this week.
1. I was prophesied over. This was an area of growth and an area I am definitely going to have to continue to grow in. We had one night where we practiced listening for the Lord. The person I was partnered with, who didn’t know who I was because her eyes were closed while she listened to the Lord, spoke over me these words: “I see snow capped mountains and a single skier, zig-zagging down the slopes. The skier is creating an avalanche, a huge avalanche, but it’s not a bad thing. God is saying, this is a person who makes an impact, just like an avalanche does on the landscape around it. You can move mountains with the LORD.”
This resonated with me in a few ways that I will share right now. One, as many of you know I lived in Colorado and I LOVE my Rocky Mountains. Even though I’m not a skier, this picture struck a nerve. I have recently been working through a lot of identity questions, asking “Who do I want to be as a woman of faith?” and “What is my purpose in life, Lord?” This prophecy seemed to be confirming that not only do I have a purpose, but it is going to be greater than even I can imagine. Thank you, Lord! I can dream big because my God is bigger!
2. Be you. This ties in with the last section. Since I left college and Colorado I have been wondering who is it that I am. What do I like? What do I enjoy to do? What boils my blood and what stirs my passion up to do something? It’s not about what other people want me to be or do anymore. It’s about my audience of One. My Jesus, the River of Life, the Lamb of God. He who gave up everything for me. He who dwells within me. My friend Kris on N squad got me a necklace from an organization that prays specifically for each person they give necklaces to. My necklace says “Be You.” And the note included reads these words. “Annie, the pressure’s off. It’s time to simply Be You! Be free. Live. Laugh. Love. Cry. Sing. Do whatever your heart leads you to do. Who you are is perfect – Papa looks at you in amazement! You are Be-you-tiful.”
I was so stunned by these words that were clearly given to someone else for my benefit. So here’s to a year of being me. A year of becoming who I was born to be, not what the world says I need to be. What I think other people want me to be. No longer fearing rejection because I belong to Him who will never leave or forsake me. He loves me as I am and delights over me.
3. Real life is hard. But Jesus is enough. Next year is still going to be real life. We are still going to have to feed ourselves, we will get annoyed with each other, have to grieve losses, and celebrate triumphs. I realized halfway through the week that I can’t just run away from people when we aren’t getting along. Conflict and struggles are something I’m going to have to learn to face head on and work through instead of skirt around or flee. This is still a work in progress.
4. It is a new day. I’ve been beating myself up the last several months about how much a failure my time in Colorado makes me feel. I fell away from the Lord because I separated myself from good Christian community and teaching. I wandered and church hopped. I invested more time in Netflix and sleep than I did in the people around me and enjoying the place I was in. I let a lot of things slip out of control, including my weight, my time with the Lord, my relationships, and my time management. I’ve always prided myself on my organization and I feel like I was scrambling half the time by May when I left Colorado. I want to be a better steward of the time I have and the people whose lives I get to be a part of, including the men, women, and children whose lives I will get to be a part of for a mere 3-4 weeks next year. I don’t want to waste a minute. That being said, God released me of the shame I felt over my two years in grad school.
He spoke to my heart and through others, it is a new day. The old has gone away. Stop looking back at those things. It’s like Edna Mode from the Incredibles says “I never look back, darling. It distract from the now.” Such a simple saying but true. I want to be in the now and moving forward. No more dwelling in the pit and wishing I could change what was.
5. When I’m dead and gone, I want my life to be remembered because I loved well. My tombstone will hopefully say with all truth “Annie loved like Jesus.” The Lord told me I needed to confess my hatred of people who have hurt me, people I’m supposedly friends with who wounded me growing up. You can’t be friends with someone you hate. You can’t love and hate, just as a fresh water spring can’t give off fresh and salt water. I want to love like Jesus, from this day forward.
Camp definitely changed me. And yet life at home goes on and I still have a lot of work to do preparing to leave. But there is a new fire in my soul as I enjoy the now. There is a great day coming in 10 weeks but God still has plans for the now. And if I am looking back or looking forward I’m going to miss them. Check back soon for more on the awesome N Squad and my AMAZING team — The Adopted.
