October 12th is a day of celebration. My big plans for the day are to get my haircut and wear some make-up. This may sound like a ordinary thing to most, but for me, it’s something different.
This year God has really been showing me what true beauty is and where it’s found. At home, I could spend hours in the morning getting ready for the day. I was so focused on how I looked outwardly, that I forgot what was on the inside. On top of that, I would often find myself preparing physically, but not spiritually. Devotions happened if I got ready on time and had a couple of extra minutes to spare.
So, as I prepared for the trip, I felt like God was telling me that he wanted to show me a whole new side of beauty. At first, I thought, no problem…I don’t mind. But usually when God wants to show you something or teach you a lesson, it’s not “a easy road to walk.” I ended up not being able to bring hardly any make-up or hair things (and my hair is long, which is unusual for me) due to my pack being full 🙂 and something that I could easily get over. But then, I found out that I would not be able to wear my contacts til close to the end of the race. That was the pill that was hard to swallow.
The first few months were rough. I found myself constantly comparing myself to other girls or saying, well, normally it’s different…without really taking in what God was trying to teach me. Then Argentina hit, where not only was I splattered on by birds a lot, but also burned off a chunk of hair. It was then that God was really grabbing my attention. It’s just the outward me that mattered. Not how I looked or how much attention I got, but just me was what He was entralled by. Not only was there beauty in me, it was then that I discovered that beauty that dwells in the people and places that I’m around. (like finding beauty in a trash dump)
As much as I looked forward to the day that I would “change”, I was also beginning to love me for me. So, tomorrow is not only celebrating the lesson that I’m continuing to learn, but also a time to show where I’ve come from in a different sense as well, a sense of healing. This is my story…
In July 2005, I was given pretty much a clean bill of health. With in 2 weeks of that Dr’s appointment, my life dramatically changed. I was taken to the hospital one night with intense pain in my abdomen. They discovered that I was passing a kidney stone, but the x-rays showed some other things as well. It seemed that I had a “mass or tumor” along with a cyst. I was sent to a specialist and from there it was a downhill mess.
Instead of getting better, I got worse. I was put on this drug and that drug. I went through every kind of medical test you could go through. It was draining physically (most of the doctor’s offices were 30minutes away from where I lived) financially and emotionally. Due to my exhaustion, I hardly ate, and lost 20 pounds in 3 months, which for someone my size, is not good. I was wondereing where God was in all of this and why He let me live in this kind of condition. To put it simply, what I was experiencing was exactly like the woman in Matthew 9. It took it’s toll on me and I remember in November, lying on the floor of my apartment, in pain and just wondering how I could live the rest of my life like this.
Christmas came and went with the hope things would change in the new year. At first, they didn’t. By then, I was seeing 5 specialist for different issues that had started popping up. Each had their own way of healing me. I was even slated for surgery. My friends at home prayed for healing, and that something good would come out of this.
I was also feeling something else at the time, which I only shared with a couple of people. I felt like God was calling me into missions. I had wanted to do that since I was little, but came up with excuse after excuse of why I couldn’t or shouldn’t. When I was young, I loved watching the slide shows of missionaries when they came to our church and to hear of all their experiences. I fought the feeling over and over again, then I started to look missions trips up on the web, came across The World Race and started to follow the 2006 racers. I felt like I was suppose to do more than just follow them though. I felt like I was actually suppose to apply for the Race, which made absoultly no sense in my condition.
The “interesting thing” is that the more I looked into it and started to apply, the better I was physically getting and feeling. Then, the surgery that I was suppose to have, got cancelled because she had a conflict. I went for counseling( to a christian counselor) told her my thoughts on going into missions. She told me she didn’t think it was a wise idea seeing the state I was in. I, however, knew that the plans that God spoke earlier, were the plans for my life. I learned a lot about trust in the next few weeks, and even though it wasn’t what seemed right in the eyes of many, I applied for the race, and was accepted.
At first, I was not thrilled about being accepted. I was still trying to figure out why was I suppose to do this and why now? I wanted to call them back and tell them it was a big mistake….I had no idea what I was thinking and that this just would not be possible for me to do. Talking to my parents about it would be the confirming factor that I was not suppose to go. Who would let their kid travel all over the world for a year, right?
Instead, my parents told me, that if that was what I believed I should do, then I should be obident and do it. I came back home (to PA), told my close girlfriends that I was going, but I had no idea how this would all work. How would I do this physically and financially? They told me it wasn’t for me to figure out, but to trust God that everything would work out.
And it has! 🙂 I was signed off by all the doctors to be able to go on the trip. In another way, all of them also encouraged me to do the trip and I got to talk to many medical staff personel in hospitals, dr’s offices, etc. of what I was doing. Physically, I’ve been holding up much better than I ever thought. I’ve had my boughts with weird things (like root canals and fungus 🙂 but overall, I’m feeling better now than I have in literally a couple of years.
To date, I have hardly put any money down on this trip. From my support, to my supplies, and some preparation things, everything has been taken care of by others. I’m still a little shy of the overall goal, but believe that will work it’s self out as well.
So, tomorrow, I’m not changing because I’m turning 30 and having a mid-life crisis. 🙂 But to share of where I’ve been and how God has taken care of me through everything and the healing that has come from that.
Sometimes things in life just don’t make sense. Often there’s pain and hurt that come from these times, yet there’s also beauty that rises from the ashes. For those that see what we are doing, would love to do something like this, but think it’s impossible because of this or that, my story is proof that anything is possible. It just requires taking a little step…
