This is a tough blog to write and one that I’ve wondered if I should.
Most of the time, you want to have fun, happy or insightful blogs or create blogs that state that you are alive and well and all is good.
I’m finding that as much as people want to hear about those times, they want to hear about the times you struggle as well.
Sometimes it’s just hard to admit to those struggles.
For me,
Mozambique is one of those times.
My time in
Mozambique was not all that great.
It’s not that there wasn’t enough ministry or that it wasn’t all that fruitful, it was that my heart was more for the squad(s) and the struggles that were going on in them.
It was more internal problems than external, which can be very hard to deal with because at times they can be kind of “touchy”.
So I was left processing everything internally until a lot of it came out at debrief.
Three themes kept popping out during the month- unity, comparing and knowing each other.
In the Race, it’s hard not to compare yourself to others physically, spiritually, or emotionally and I think for many people, one of these really hit home for them last month in some way or another. In
Mozambique, I almost missed some opportunities for healing that hit closer to home for me, in ministering to some of the women there, because I got so caught up in wanting to physically see some one get healed, like other people on my squad had.
I skipped over the opportunity that God had provided me with…knowing that he had created those situations to happen at certain outreaches just for me.
Everyone has a purpose and a reason for being here, but sometimes you get so lost in the comparisons, that you miss being focused on how God is changing you (or how he wants to change you) because you get caught up worrying about everything else around you, when it’s not really your business to do that.
Community living is honestly probably the hardest part about this trip, just because it’s hard to live for you and not compare yourself to the people you are constantly with!
J
I also saw the problem of us not really being united mostly due to that we didn’t really know each other.
We’ve shared about our pasts and some “surfacey” things, but we’ve never really taken the time (even after 6 months) to really get to know the ins and outs of everyone, so we can push them on, not run them over.
Like I shared with my team, if I come out of this saying I built and live in community, then I want to know more than just being able to separate their clothes after washing them.
I want to know why you work the way you do, what pushes you, what your gifts and talents are, what are your dreams for after the race….so we can work as one and this isn’t time wasted.
So that what we build
now isn’t torn down later and we can just add on to the foundation that we are laying.
That’s just a little bit of what I was feeling and I hope this wasn’t a “downer” blog, but more of what life can really like on the road
J
Just a side note, one of the best things about Mozambique was the incredible ride we had on the back of a commercial pick up truck to our destination. (which many pictures on the blogs have been posted about)
Watching the sunsets, riding through villages and seeing the scenery, being squished and cold, …but laughing most of the way,
J is something I’ll never forget and was probably our best mode of transportation yet!
