I often get the question, “why are you doing this?” The past month I’ve sat back and observed a lot of different decisions being made in different areas of my life. I guess it’s something that I’m more “tuned into” now and is really on my heart, but the one thing that is common about all of them is that the end result is usually one of comfort.
A big reason that I’m going on this trip is because it takes me way out of my comfort zone. Not only is this my first mission trip outside the US, I’m living 24/7 with people that are new to me and that we will be constantly on the go, but that I also am facing head on many of my biggest fears.
About a year and half ago, I really felt that I had a huge idol to lay down. Money. The jobs that I’ve had since graduating college have all had take home pay of anywhere from $15-20,000….not a great thing for a college grad. In July of last year, I was working two jobs and my part time job only paid $6 an hour. I was stressed and missing spending time with my friends all to “keep up with the Jones’s” or to live in comfort. Let me also share, that I’m a planner. I will carefully calculate every move I make and plan things the way *
I* think is best. I usually have a plan B, in case plan A, doesn’t work. So, after realizing that I probably didn’t really need the extra job, I quit, and trusted that God would take care of my needs. How little did I realize exactly what that really meant. Two weeks later, I landed in the hospital and that started the year and a half long journey of going to 5 doctors who are all trying to figure out what’s “wrong” with me. Thousands of hours and dollars later, the thing is now I realize, I kind of think what was “wrong” was I was just struggling against myself.
I had felt called to missions since I was young, yet I kept ignoring it, because it wasn’t comfortable. I don’t have enough money, it’s not really the right timing…where all excuses. Yet once I was stripped of everything that I held close, (money, time, health) it was kind of like the start of a new flower coming up from the ashes.
In February, I found out about the race and started talking about it with a friend. Once again there were excuses, so I put the idea behind me. In May, that friend’s roommate was accepted and that got me thinking more about it. At the time, I ended up having three new job opportunities. One would give me more money, one was another mission trip, and then the race. The race was my last choice for the mere fact that it would demand more and be more challenging than the other mission trip. I prayed that God would open doors and shut others. All of them closed except for the race, which was not the way *I* had planned it. I heard the message on my voice mail that I had been accepted, my first response was actually…”hmmm, how do I tell them no”. I waited till the last minute to respond back. The whole time I kept thinking…”is this the right time, am I’m I okay to do this”….but most of all it was, “how am I going to pay for this? I barely scrap by…how is this going to happen…how am I going to pay for the trip and everything else that goes with it?”
So, when I started, I prayed, “Okay, God, if you want me to go on this, I can only have a small part in this financially”. That’s why my totals for both the trip itself and what has been paid for beforehand amazes me. I have contributed about $250 and the rest come in through people who are encouragers, supporters, and want to be world changers. My plans were that I could have worked other jobs or 80 hours a week to finish off paying for the trip so I could have everything settled before I go, yet that was all according to my timing and not His. He has provided for all of my needs, continues to do so and I’m just blown away at how this is all coming together. I have wondered if I should give up on this so many times, and yet He has been faithful and whatever I’ve needed has been provided (and it’s not only been financially!) I could have planned my ways and could have gone for the comfortable things, yet there has also been such peace and healing coming from surrendering and being uncomfortable. There will still be challenges ahead, but I can not forgot where I’ve come from either. I have no idea what this year will be like or bring, I just know that right now, I’m right where I’m suppose to be, even if it’s not the most comfortable spot.
In accepting the challenge, I had to surrender my plans and totally rely on God. I will leave with very little. I will come back to no apartment, car and absolutly no money and still have to pay off a school loan and credit card bills. That’s not a comfortable thing for a “planner” and in some peoples eyes a dumb thing to do. It would be comfortable for me to delay the trip and work more to have more money for later. It would be comfortable to delay the trip and wait till I felt more prepared. It would be comfortable… but for me, it’s not what or where God wants me, and for that I am excited to see what happens in this year.
So, I guess what I want to end with is this. We all face situations we are uncomfortable with. They can be anything from talking with someone you try hard to avoid, to giving up a certain lifestyle, making quick decisions, etc. But can you imagine what would happen (or what the world would be like) if we ALL actually just started to live outside of our comfort zones? If we started to base our decisions more on what was best for others rather than what was best for us? You don’t have to do something drastic like me, but when/ where will it start for you? What’s the comfort zone God is urging you to lose in this next year?
