I wrote two blogs today! Be sure to check out the other one HERE!
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I became a follower of Jesus just shy of 5 years ago, and shortly after, I began attending the church I currently call home: North Metro. For the first time in my life, I felt at home amongst a body of believers. I felt challenged by the biblical truths I learned and grew exponentially in my walk with Jesus at a place that I loved dearly.
North Metro soon became part of my daily routine. What started simply as weekly attendance to the college ministry there turned into so much more. Over time, North Metro became a place where I would work, serve, worship, dance, cry, and basically live. I discipled and was discipled there. I had the most incredible community of people there that I still do life with.
North Metro shaped everything I did and played a crucial part in shaping who I am as a believer. It taught me everything I know about theology, studying the Bible, and having accountability.
Over the past five years, I’ve prided myself on being spiritually mature because of these things. I would get asked to lead small groups and would jump in without hesitation. My friends and I were the core group of young adults that really “got it” and were involved. Spiritually, I had it all figured out.
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Enter the World Race. Enter leaving North Metro and its teachings. I haven’t had my pastor speaking truth into me every Sunday. I haven’t had the worship experiences I used to get at our student or college ministries. I haven’t had the countless bible studies, small groups, coffee dates with mentors, or anything I filled my time and my spiritual cup with at home.
I expected the Race to be a constant spiritual high filled with many of the same things I had at home. Surely we would always be doing bible studies and worshipping and hearing teaching from sound theology.
In reality, a lot of the time the Race really is just you, your team, and Jesus. Worship comes from an iPhone speaker and sermons are usually not in English. Spending time in the Word comes from the discipline of getting up early and choosing to study, and honestly most times I choose to sleep in instead. Even amongst your team, people come from various spiritual backgrounds and maturities, some vastly different from your own.
Sometimes the Race feels like I’m doing life with a broken leg, and someone kicked out my crutches from underneath me.
North Metro was my spiritual set of crutches. I’m in nation 3 of 11 without all of the things North Metro has to offer. I’m in nation 3 of 11 completely and utterly crutchless. And I’m not as spiritually mature as I prided myself to be.
When your crutches get kicked out from under you, you fall and you hit the ground hard, and that’s what the majority of my Race has felt like so far. Being without the crutches and comforts of home sucks, especially this time of year. Spiritually (and realistically, in every way), the Race has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I am being grown and stretched and challenged in things that I never expected.
In the past three months, I have questioned Jesus, doubted Jesus, and been angry at Jesus. I haven’t known all of the answers. Without my crutches, I didn’t know how to keep going spiritually.
But when your crutches get kicked out from under you, you get back up. You heal. You learn to walk again.
Yeah, the Race has been hard so far. I’m not going to lie about that. But Jesus is tenderly lifting me up off the ground, healing me, and teaching me to walk with Him all over again. I’m learning what it looks like to have faith without crutches. I’m learning how to press into community, even if it’s one you didn’t necessarily choose. I’m learning that I can be an effective follower of Jesus apart from the church I love so much.
Most importantly, I’m learning and re-learning that Jesus is enough. I’m learning that His grace reaches into the moments where I lay broken on the floor, hopelessly searching for my crutches. And I’m learning to stand on my own two feet as a strong, confident woman of God.
