Its been a month………
a month since I returned to the States after an 11 month journey around the world.
A month since I saw starving children at every street corner.
A month since I watched people walk miles for drinking water.
A month since I lived in the rice fields of Cambodia.
A month since I left the streets of India and the beggars on the corners.
A month since I witnessed the simplicity of life uncluttered by our complications.
I have been home, living in Maine with my parents. Picking up where I left off in October. In my mind I half thought I could come back and be ok living in this place I have always called home. The place I have grown up in, the place where my family lives. But lets be honest. Its been hard, like really hard. To return to a place that has not changed, to pick up right where I left off. After having seen the world and the injustices throughout the world, how can this ever be the same? It will never be that easy. I do not feel a part of anything, I do not feel I belong. I am no longer in college yet at the same time not yet living a life on my own with a full time job. I am in the middle of yet another transition in my life. Tonight I was once again reminded that life is full of one transition after another.
I live my life to a really high standard, and put pressure on myself to meet those standards. Sometimes the standards are unrealistic and placed there by people other than myself. I have found myself living this past month the way others have wanted me to. I have felt pressure to know what I am doing in the coming weeks and months, I have felt pressure to sort my life out and process everything in a few weeks.
But I had dinner tonight with a friend and for the first time since returning home I felt alright. I felt at ease with not having it all sorted out, with not having a plan for the next 5 years of my life. Life does not fit in a cookie cutter as I once thought it did, and for the first time in a while I am at peace with that. So at this point I am coming to terms with being content with knowing that it may take the next 5 years to process these past 11 months. I do not need to feel the pressure to have my life in a cute cookie cutter box. Its been a long month but I think I’m finally on the up and up towards truly accepting being back in the States and truly beginning to process in my own way in my own timing.
This is in no way my finalized plans for the next year but I thought I would let you know what has been on my mind since I am pretty sure most of you are dying to know.
I plan to do some substitute teaching here in Maine through December so I can be home throughout the holidays. Then I would love to return to the ministry contact I met in Cambodia early next year for a month or two. I would love to lead a Real Life trip in the summer and then start working towards a nursing degree in the Fall. These are in NO way definitive but I am planning to make steps towards these goals instead of just waiting for things to fall into my lap.
Until Next Time
Annalisa
This past week I was able to go to Boston and had PUPUSAS….one of my favorite foods from the race. They were just as good as I remembered them to be.
