The day I lost my passport
[ Wednesday, March 16; 2:00 p.m. ]
I’m hot and sweaty, per usual here in Asia. I’m in the 200 square foot apartment that I share with 6 other people tearing it apart for the second time today. I’ve lost my passport.“How could I be so stupid? Who loses their passport?” When you’re traveling all over the world and must get on a plane to another country in six short days, your passport is your prized possession. And I’ve lost it. I’m trying really hard to keep my cool and not freak out. I’m racking my brain for where I possibly could have put this thing meanwhile praying like crazy. Where could it be? I went to a local mall last week, maybe I lost it there? I went to the wifi cafe to find the number of the mall. I feel ridiculously foolish, so I don’t tell but a select few people who can be praying about it. I decide to try to not worry about it anymore that day, but I know I should tell my team leader soon. The ‘not worrying’ doesn’t work and I worry myself to sleep.
[ Thursday, March 17; 7:03 a.m. ]
I wake up just as worried, but with hope that it’s a new day and I’ll be able to find it. I’ve been praying all morning about finding my passport. Really, you should see my prayer journal. God has been teaching me about trusting Him lately, so I have a list of scriptures I look to in times like these. After some back and forth arguing I give in; “Ok, God. I do trust you. I do. Please take this situation because I don’t know what to do.” At this point I’m fully prepared to head to the U.S. Embassy in Manila if necessary. I really don’t want to spend the money, but I also don’t want to stay in the Philippines forever.
[ Thursday, March 17; 9:00 a.m. ]
It’s time to break the news to my team leader, Nicole. She’s taking a look at the schedule and trying to prepare herself, because we’ve got a packed day ahead. I ask her if I can tell her something that will make it worse, then I just burst out into tears. The words come out between sobs; “I’ve lost my passport. I feel so stupid!”. She calmly says, “It’s ok, we’ll deal with it. As much as we move around it can happen to anyone.” Here I am beating myself up for this and feeling so ashamed, and she’s as cool as a cucumber. That’s exactly what I needed to hear. It’s at this point my teammate Stefani pipes up and says, “Wait, didn’t you put it in my green bag with the rest of our passports?” I start sob laughing. I grab the keys and race back to our apartment to check. Sure enough, my passport is safely in the apartment. In fact, in looking for my passport, I passed over the green bag several times with no memory of putting my passport in there. Once I found it right in front of me I still felt just as ridiculous for forgetting where I had put it. I felt shame for crying (I hate crying) and for losing it in the first place.
[ Thursday, March 17; 3:00 p.m. ]
One of those scriptures I read daily on trust is Psalm 31:19. It reads; “Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you.” The Lord has goodness stored up for me, and he works for my good. I prayed that over this situation this morning, and He was once again faithful. My forgetting where I put my passport was absolutely human error, but God worked through that to teach me something. I had an opportunity to put into practice the trust He’s been teaching me about. I’m still working through shame issues, but He taught me a little bit more about trust today and once again proved His faithfulness.
