It has taken me a very long time to write this blog. 21 days to be exact. So I apologize to those who have been wishing for me to write more blogs..
This one is difficult for me to write as it holds a lot of emotion, and I’m still trying to decide how I feel. All I know is that on October 16th, my heart grew a couple of sizes that day.
Back in Zambia, doing door to door visitation in a small village, I met a little girl named Vy. First impressions, she was scared to death of the “muzungus” (white people). If you came within a few feet of her, she screamed like she was going to die. So it took some time for her to warm up to me.
Eventually, somehow, I still don’t know how (Jesus?), she reached out and decided to take my hand. This was the beginning of a very unexpected relationship between me and this little girl.
We walked hand in hand to every house, she played with my very strange blonde hair, and she fell asleep on my lap. When it was time to leave, I told her to come see me at the Bible study we would be having in that village later that day.
When Bible study began, at first I didn’t see her. I realized that I actually felt disappointed at her not being there. Sure enough though, I found her sitting with her siblings near the back of the small crowd gathered. I soon got her attention and beckoned her over and she came running to me with open arms and a very large, very happy smile on her face. Thinking about that smile makes my heart sing.
For the next 30 minutes or so, she sat on my lap, and we played together. In the back of my mind, I knew that this was the only time I would have with this little girl that I had come to love with the entirety of my heart. I determined I would do anything for this little girl. If the option was there, I would have gladly committed to being her mother.
When Bible study ended and it was time to leave, I think she caught on that we weren’t coming back. She refused to be put down and demanded that I continue to hold her. It was to the point where I had to personally walk her all the way back to her grandmother’s house. Leaving her there was hands down the hardest thing I’ve done on the race thus far. She made it worse.
As soon as I was out of sight, she started freaking out. And I mean the whole works. I look behind me to see her crying, screaming, chasing after me as fast her tiny legs will let her, and calling me mama. I knew the best thing I could do was to keep my eyes straight ahead of me and keep walking until I was on the bus, but nothing I could do could keep her sobs from my ears. With each step I took I felt my heart crumbling to pieces.
I look back on this day, and I baffle myself that all of this happened in one day. From start to finish. How to you come to love another human being that much in the span of six hours? I’ve never felt this kind of love. The true kind of love that makes you want to do anything for them. As hard as it was to say goodbye to Vy I don’t regret for a second the day I got to spend with her. She made me realize something about myself: I want to be a mom. I actually want to be a mom really bad. I know I can’t be her mom, but she changed my life, and one day I (hopefully) will become a mother because she inspired me to want to be one.
Thank you, Vy. I love you.
(Please ignore my double chin and only look at Vy. Thanks)
