Recently I started reading a book called “Chasing God” by Angie Smith. If you’re looking for a new book to read, I recommend this one.
I was first attracted to this book because of its title. When I bought it, I had just been accepted to go on the World Race and “chasing God” was on my mind. I wanted to be as close to God as I could get. Well, this book isn’t called Chasing God to tell you how to catch him. It’s basically been showing me everything I’m doing wrong. The author is pointing out that we’re so wrapped up in the chase that we forget what it is we’re really after.
I am by no means an author, and I definitely did not write this particular book. So I’m botching the summary, I know this. I’m telling you, just go read it and it will make sense.
Anyway, I get to chapter 3 and she’s talking about the prophet Isaiah. Isaiah has a vision of the Lord and the Lord says “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” , and Isaiah responds saying “Here I am, send me”.
We all know the story, we’ve all read it, we all use it as a catch phrase when getting ready to go do missions work. (I mean I have. Guilty.) But I’ve never really dissected this simple sentence and declaration. What was in that contract that Isaiah signed without any question?
The book laid it out for me. “Isaiah is offering his full, unquestioning service to the Lord. He isn’t begrudgingly going along with it, and he certainly isn’t expressing and fear as to what the next steps will look like. His motivation is pure and immediate, born of a deep desire to be used by [God]”.
Let’s take a look at the word unquestioning. This was a hard word for me to swallow. Asking questions is all I do, it’s what I was born for. Question is my middle name.
But God didn’t call us so that we can ask questions. It’s one of those “I’ll tell you what you need to know, and you don’t need to know this” kinda things. God has called me at this time for the world race. I know that. I also know that I’ll be going to 11 different countries, but I DON’T know where exactly in those countries. I don’t know what I’ll be doing and I don’t know who I am going to meet.
I also know that this trip is really expensive, and I am not going to raise this money on my own. Every part of my human instinct rejects this. I hate it. I want the money to come in and I don’t want to worry or think about it anymore. This is the “you don’t need to know” part. It’s agonizing.
But I already signed my contract. I agreed to go, I was willing. In fact I was MORE than willing to accept the offer. But I skimmed over that fine print that said by the way this isn’t going to be easy at all. In fact it’s going to suck and it’s going to make you want to back out. Finer Print: But if you hang in there, you’ll soon see the reaping of your harvest and I’ll show you how magnificent I can be!
I wrestle with this, literally every single day. I can’t think of a day in the past three months where I haven’t thought about money, or the cost of this trip, or how I’m going to get it all. Many times I’ve asked how? and when? But God always just looks at me and smiles and says “just hang in there, you’ll see”.
Well I’m still waiting but I know eventually it will be worth it.
A few months ago, at the beginning of my fundraising, I had a shirt made to sell in order to raise funds. I made it so that it would have a special impact for the race. The back of the shirt quotes Isaiah 6:8 “Here I am, send me”. I’m so glad I made this shirt because I have a completely new perspective and appreciation for it. Now every time I wear it, or see someone else wearing it I can be reminded that it’s not for me to know yet. I just have to be obedient to follow after Christ.
I still have a few of these shirts left and I would love to share them with you! I’m selling them for $20. Please contact me if you would like to purchase one!!
Love, Anna
