This week started out just like every other week. I woke up Monday morning, didn’t want to get out of bed and grumbled all the way through my earth and space class. Then at some point in between classes I realized that this week is my last full week of classes…ever. Then it all hit me at once.. This is it. The end. That sounds so dramatic, but that’s ok because I feel kind of dramatic.
I’ve been walking around campus with a sense of nostalgia. I walk past the gazebo in Alumni Park and think back to the time I lost my keys there freshman year. I drive past the field behind Storms and remember the most epic snowball fight of all time. I literally can’t walk anywhere on campus without being reminded of some memory there.
I’ve never been very good at change. I like things the way they are, and if you change it it’s like you have to start all over. That’s kinda how I feel right now. A part of me is ECSTATIC to be graduating. No more school, no more papers, I’m done! Couldn’t be happier. But now I have to face the real world.. I have to get a grown up job and deciding to skip one day because I don’t feel like getting up is no longer an option. I have to leave behind an entire life that I’ve built the past 4 1/2 years. I’m having to say goodbye to friends, BEST friends, not knowing when I’ll get to see them again. (Side note: I guess if you haven’t figured it out by now, you should know I’m moving out of state, and eventually leaving the country for a year)(Hence all of my sentimental, emotional feelings right now).
Graduating is great, but right now..it kind of sucks.
I guess the thing I’m learning from all of this is not to take it for granted. For the longest time all I wanted was to be done. To graduate and get the heck out of Cleveland. Now that it’s happening, I’m realizing that’s not what I want at all. What I want is more time. I want to go back to Freshman move in day and start it all over again. Maybe this time make different decisions, join different clubs, involve myself more on campus and see what the outcome would be. But I can’t do that. Instead I have to look at what I DID get to do. Be happy and grateful for my time here and the way I spent it. And most importantly not take any of it for granted. For the next 24 days I have to fully embrace every moment and truly cherish the people around me.
I realize that I made this sound incredibly heartbreaking like I’m dying or something. I’m not. I’m just sad about all the things that I’m leaving behind.
But on a happier note, let’s take a look at what’s in front of me: I get to go home and spend time with my actual family for a change. I get to spend time working, saving money and building my portfolio over the next few months. I get to be reunited with my best friends who I’ve hardly been able to talk to for the past few years.. AND, in just a few short months I get to go on the MOST INCREDIBLE JOURNEY OF MY LIFE. This is something most people only dream of doing. And for that I’m thankful.
This next month is going to be a very hard, very emotional transition for me. But it’s made this way because I truly love the people who surround my life. Leaving it behind will be hard. But that doesn’t take away from what’s to be looked forward to in the future. It’s mysterious, and exciting; so I think I’m going to be ok.
To Emily, Maria and Jordan, thank you. You three have impacted my life in a way I can’t describe. You’ve shown me what true friendship looks like and have shown me love when I needed it most. I thank God for your friendship, and I love you guys so much. Don’t get too comfortable without me, because I plan on coming back 😉
Sappy post over. I promise this won’t happen again. 🙂
