We think we know what we need.
We think we know what is important and exactly how things should play out so we get the best end of the deal.
We like to orchestrate, and we like to maintain control.
And sometimes we just can't see a big enough picture.
Sometimes, our requests are innocent. We know our minds are finite and that God's ways are higher than our own. But we don't know what else to do.
So we ask. There is nothing wrong with asking. But I am here to tell you: be prepared for God to not answer the way you expect Him to. Be ready for Him to blow your mind.
Matthew 6 is my favorite chapter (second only to Romans 8) in the entire Bible. Instructions. I like instructions. How to pray and fast and how to take care of the needy and not to worry about tomorrow or keep too much stuff around.
I like instructions. But as it turns out, I'm not great at following them.
I have a pretty large tattoo on my left shoulder… permanently put there after God started whispering to me, "do you trust Me? Do you trust Me to take care of you? Do you believe Me when I say that I hear you… and I know exactly what you need?"
Right after I got the new tattoo – of lilies, surrounding a dove which had been there for a few years already – God threw me into multiple trust-building situations. I should have known better. How sweet my Jesus is… foreshadowing is His favorite thing to do in my life.
So as of last week, it was looking like I was about to be homeless. My lease is up at the end of March in this house I am in and I had nowhere to go. I started praying about this a long time ago. After being accepted to the Race, I realized I desperately needed a cheap/free place to live for the next four months so I could save up for gear and student loan payments while I'm gone.
I started asking God for a free place to live.
And came up with nothing. Repeatedly. Doors would open and then slam in my face. But I kept praying. Asking. Seeking. Knocking.
I started to stress about the whole situation, but kept hearing our Father whisper, "what are you doing, babe? Don't you trust me? Don't you know that I, your Heavenly Father, know you need these things?"
Oh.
He had a point.
Who am I to trust Him to take care of me while traveling the world, and not trust Him to provide a place for me to live while I'm still camped out in the States? To trust Him to design a plan for my life, to unite me with a husband, to heal my sickness. But not to give me a place to lay my head?
So I kept pursuing options. Kept praying.
Saturday afternoon I got my 2010 taxes done. I have a lady who has done them for me – and for the rest of my family – for the past three years. So I went over to see her, and we sat for a little while talking about the Race and about how I was trying to remember that God provides and that I needed to file an extension for 2011 taxes.
That God's resources are buried deep and stacked high and spread wide.
Then my tax lady's jaw dropped. And she turned her computer monitor around so I could see the four digit number on her screen. She gave me a high-five.
Suddenly… everything changed.
Suddenly… where there had not been options, there were options. Where doors had been shut because of financial difficulty, they were thrown wide open.
And I heard Papa God say, "sorry it took so long. Had to wait on those tax documents to come in… and well, I didn't want to spoil the surprise by telling you early. I know it's not what you had in mind – but this will do, yeah?"
I had been asking for a free place to live.
God, instead, provided the money to pay for what I needed. Plus some.
Now to HIm who is able to do immeasurably more.
That night, I went to spend some time with the best people in my life. For the first time I sat across from a few of them and was almost brought to tears thinking about leaving them behind. Time changes us. I have witnessed first-hand what happens to an organic, living community who is radically loving and faithfully pursuing God. People like that don't stay the same for long. Which means in 11 months, major change will happen. And I won't be here to see it.
It was in the midst of that community that a dear friend of mine stepped up and offered me space in her home. She just needed help with utilities, she said. "I don't use that room or the bathroom, they're yours."
We love and serve and are chasing after a God who wants to use us to bless others. And in His infinite wisdom He has designed a plan so we can bless each other. The Kingdom of God is a beautiful cycle of selflessness and generosity and grace. Here, right now, I am part of an Act 2 community. The very body of Christ in motion. And this is Jesus reminding me,
"So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
