It’s funny thinking about this now, this race. I was on the way to the hospital this morning with Mel and as we were driving further into the heart of Bangkok, I told her, “This is our life right now.”
“We gave up a year of our lives.”
“Did we?”
Africa held beautiful ebony smiles and breath taking views.
India thick humidity, heavy dense jungle, and crazy movements of the Spirit.
Our second country in Asia left a desperation for Nepal to awaken and stand up.
My heart stayed in Cambodia with the children.
I stepped out, more like tucked and rolled, expecting to embrace the world, only to find Him waiting for me. I couldn’t have known what was waiting for me, and I still don’t as I step on.
I didn’t know the wounds I still carried with me from my childhood. There was no foundation to cover up the verbal, emotional, and physical scars that covered my body, heart, and mind.
There was no warning to the many times that the Lord has brought my face to the ground from the weight of both conviction and His love.
I didn’t know that I overlooked many beautiful words such as grace, redeemed, Papa, faithful, and breath. And in that, overlooking the beauty of the Father.
I didn’t realize that I limited the Spirit.
I had forgotten that it was okay to dream and to have desires.
I know that I signed up to tell people about Jesus, but I didn’t imagine feeling this desperation for there to be reconciliation and restoration with the Father.
I didn’t know the restoration that He had in store for me. Things like intimacy, affection, and femininity, and how the world had contorted them to be something different than what the Father had intended them to be.
I couldn’t have known any of this.
Seven months, putting one foot in front of the other, and this is where I have been led. This place of need, want, hunger, and thirst for more of Him.
