“…The Decision Has Been Made…”

I’ll let you in on a little secret. You ready??

I don’t really know what I am doing.

Is that okay to admit?? Better yet, am I suppose to admit that??

Whoever tells you that this process is easy, I call their bluff right now. It’s not. It’s hard being at a stand still while trying to prepare for the next step that is in so many days ( I cant quite look at a countdown yet due to the fact that I will freak out). It’s hard trying to keep up with vaccination due dates, packing lists, donations and donators. With trying to keep up on fundraisers and the normalcy that is my life currently. It’s hard to keep up with work, essays and homework assignments, friends and a good diet.

It’s been SO hard to seek after Jesus. 

I kinda freaked out/ had a minor panic attack the other day. I was so overwhelmed I did something to help calm me, cleaning. I put on a Sanctus Real album and tried to lose myself as I vacuumed and straightened up the apartment. I eventually tackled the book self that was overflowing with books, old papers, and what turned out to be more vanilla envelopes than I thought I had kept. I was looking through them to see what I needed to save and what I could throw away when I found something that made me stop. In the last youth group I helped serve in, there was a discipleship program for students who really wanted to start to live out their faith.They had to sign “My Resolve As A Disciple”. The authorship is disputed,but the words ring true and purposeful. 

“My Resolve As A Disciple”

I’m part of the fellowship of the unashamed.

I have stepped over the line.

The decision has been made.

I am a disciple of Jesus Christ.

I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past is redeemed, my preset makes sense, my future is secure.

I’m finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my vision clear.

I cannot be bought,deluded, or delayed.

I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate at the table of the enemy or meander in the maze of mediocrity. 

I won’t give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus. 

I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me.

And when he comes for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me-

my banner will be clear. 

This gave me the focus that I have been searching after for the last couple of weeks. 

Next time,

A.Romero

—In keeping with my confession of not knowing what I was doing, this blog shows just that. This was me wanting to write not knowing what to write and just going for it. Sorry for the lack of structure.

🙂