John 4:22-24, ” You worship what you do not know, we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who know him must worship in truth and spirit.”
In a moment of transparency.
The front that I have been putting on is that everything is fine and I’m working toward meeting my goal, in reality, while some of that is true, it’s a front. It is what I have allowed people to see. The few that I have let completely in know that I have been anxious really since my acceptance. I have been trying to convince myself that the race isn’t that big of a deal, when it’s the biggest thing I have done up to date. I’m anxious about leaving my family for a year, leaving the one’s that I love and spend so much time with. I’m anxious about living out of a backpack for a year and not having the “safety” of “stuff” that I have become accustomed to. I’m anxious about falling even further in love with my savior, and not because I don’t want to but for the ways that he will break me, to die further to myself. For a year of surrender.
Surrender.
I first read Genesis 22:1-14 and took it as God’s provision, which totally spoke to me at the time, and then a few weeks ago, I heard a message using the same passage except the take away point was worship isn’t safe. I’m totally gonna nab the speakers message just because the passage again spoke to me in a different way. The quick version of the fourteen verses is that God calls Abraham to sacrifice his son Issac. In obedience Abraham makes all the necessary preparations and he and his son go to the mountain which The Lord had designated and when he was about to kill Issac, God shows up and is like, “Hey, I know you fear me. Look yonder and you’ll see that I have provided a ram for you to kill instead”. There were two things that stood out to me about these verses.
First was Abraham’s response when The Lord called him, “Here I am”. He didn’t have the response that so many have of “why don’t you tell me what you would like before I agree to it”. Here I am.
Second was the word Worship. I was unaware until the speaker of the message said it, but in Genesis 22:5, that is actually the first time the word worship is mentioned. The very first time worship is used in the bible is in a time of sacrifice, a time of surrender. “…”Stay here with the donkey; I and the boy will go over there and worship and come again to you.” There is also trust in this verse. “…And come again to you”. Abraham didn’t know how, but he trusted to surrender what God was telling him to and trusted that God would show up.
The one place that I love the most about where I live is Oak Glen. I know that not everyone who reads this knows where that is, but it’s my place.I was driving through just to drive one night, and I got to a point where I turned off my music and just listened. “Do you trust me?”. The conviction that came with these four words stopped me. Do I trust that God will give me a new family when I leave; did not the disciples also leave and become each other’s family? Do I trust that God will provide for me not only when I’m in the field but in my life forever? And maybe not in the way that I would like or thought,but that he would overall. Do I not trust that by jumping fully in, He will make me whole?
Lord, I desire to trust you completely. I desire to fall further, to have nearness with you. you are seeking after true worshipers, you are seeking surrender. Lord, I pray that you tear away my attitude of first tell and then ill decide if it’s something that I want to do. Replace it with Here I Am. Let me not keep anything from you when in reality all I have and am is because of you. Lord you broke me and put me back together more beautifully than I could ever imagine, continue to do that, and for me to let you. I pray that I get out of the way and let you do whatever you desire knowing that it will be good .
Amen
