a story about the crazy provision of God
fourteen of us sat in devotional time, worshipping. Our contact, Raquel had just issued a challenge to us; commit two acts of outrageous love in the next fifteen minutes…towards someone else in our group. “I don’t know what it will look like for you,” she said.
I didn’t know either. Two acts of OUTRAGEOUS love? In fifteen minutes? What the heck is that supposed to look like?
So I sat. And I prayed. And almost immediately, God answered me.
I didn’t like what He said. He gave me two assignments; One, to show love and offer forgiveness to someone I didn’t feel comfortable showing EITHER to…And two (even harder), give half of the money in my bank account to one of my teammates.
Let’s backtrack about three weeks. My teammate, Katie, was admitted to the hospital in Nicaragua the NIGHT BEFORE we were supposed to come to Costa Rica. She was nearly bedridden for a full week and a half before they were allowed to join us here.
Katie and I have had one huge thing in common since the beginning of the World Race; we’re both broke. Consistently, we are having to cut back where most others on our squad aren’t. Unfortunately for Katie, her deductible (on her overseas health insurance) is astronomical, and it depleted her funds almost completely.
We prayed. We made a paypal for her. We shared it on Facebook and raised a little bit-but not enough to completely reimburse her.
Meanwhile, Costa Rica is an expensive place to live, and for a girl who doesn’t have much to begin with, this is bad news. My funds for this month were in a pathetic state, and getting worse every day. God miraculously provided for me out of nowhere with a generous donation from an unexpected source (after I had spent most of my money), and I was thrilled.
Enter Thursday morning devotion and Raquel’s (GOD’S) challenge. I sat there with what I tried to reason could NOT have been God’s voice telling me to do something that I did not want to do.
“God,” I tried to talk some sense into Him, “I just got this money. I’ve been trying to be good with it. You can’t REALLY be telling me to give half of it away…right?”
it was then that Raquel started to sing in the spirit. “Is there anything I won’t give you, my daughter? I don’t want to take from you…I want to give to you.”
Before I could argue further, Katie pulled me aside and hugged me (if you know her, you know this is a huge deal.) for a really long time. I cried. She laughed. We hugged again. Then, the second girl (the one I’ve had a hard time with) hugged me and prayed restoration over our relationship.
At this point, I was a hot mess.
The fifteen minutes passed without me having done what I felt God leading me to do (partially because all I could do was sit in my chair and cry). In the days that followed, I prayed fervently for real confirmation. I sought counsel. I prayed some more. And I thought about what it would cost me to give away half of my money to a teammate who sorely needed it.
Come Sunday morning, I had still not received definite confirmation. Honestly, I was anxious not to. “God, let me have heard wrong, but if I haven’t, I want two things from you: 1) I want confirmation in church this morning. And 2) I want to feel peace about this before I go any further.”
The very first thing they talked about in church that day was the story of the widow’s offering as told in Mark. If you’re not familiar, read on. Heck, even if you are, read on. It’s the bible, dude.
“Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.” –Mark 12:41-44
Another verse God laid on my heart was from Acts. “All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had.” –Acts 4:32
He made a few things clear to me that morning:
1) That money wasn’t mine…it was His. And He wanted Katie to have some of it.
2) This whole matter is more about my heart than money. I had been holding on too tightly to finances, and my life has revolved around them for far too long. God was calling me to lay down this idol and take more of Him in return.
3) My security is not found in the number in my bank account, but in the eternal inheritance that I have in Jesus.
4) He is my provider, and no one else. I can trust Him to give me what I need, when I need it…and trust Him enough to live open-handed with what He gives.
Knowing all of this, and feeling an indescribable peace in my heart, I finally followed through.
It’s been almost a week since then. I still find myself dwelling on my lack and comparing myself to those around me who seem to have “more”; however, I keep coming back to that precious truth that my Provider has not failed me yet. And though God hasn’t reimbursed me materially, He has blessed me a hundredfold with peace and the assurance that I have obeyed…and that He is pleased.
What more could I ask for?
Have you been holding onto something that God may be telling you to give up? With the knowledge that His heart is to GIVE to you instead of take from you, does this make it easier to let go?
