hey readers! a few weeks ago, I told y'all that I had asked my mom to write a blog on here to share with you. and she didn't disappoint! She is an amazing woman and I am so grateful to get this glimpse into what it's been like for her to have me on the race. I pray that her story will encourage you and help you to know that you aren't alone in this…as well as give you some helpful pointers on how to live the experience well.
-Anna
So my daughter requested that I write a blog. She believes it will help other parents of future World Racers to know what to expect and to offer support and encouragement. I don’t know if anything I have to say will really help anyone or not, but I am doing it for her, because she seems to really want me to.
I guess I will begin my story the moment my daughter, Anna, announced that she would be applying to this “World Race” – a mission trip that encompasses 11 countries in 11 months. She would have to raise $15,500. I have to confess that I kind of thought she was crazy. She had just returned from a 2 month mission trip to Africa and had raised about $4000 for that. This World Race seemed like too much money, too long of a trip, just… too much.
But I kept my feelings to myself and decided to support her in this endeavor. She really believed that this was what she wanted to do and, that if it was truly what God wanted her to do, the funds would come in.
They did come in. But it was not an easy road. It is difficult to watch your child face disappointment, heartbreak, rejection – and other overwhelming emotions too numerous to name – when their latest fund raising effort falls flat and they are left wondering what they did wrong and questioning God.
The other difficult part for me in this was that Anna, although the oldest of my three children, would also be the last to leave home. I had been divorced for about 6 years at this point and it had just been Anna and me at home for the past year. I knew that once she left, I would be completely alone for the first time in my life. It would be the official “empty nest.” Empty indeed.
Anna was due to “launch” from Chicago the first week of September 2012. I arranged to take time off work and fork over the money to go to this “launch” as they invited me to a parent support-type group and it seemed to mean a lot to Anna to have me go with her. I am glad I did. It was encouraging to meet other parents “in the same boat” so to speak, that were having a difficult time letting go of their children to unknown worlds for the next 11 months. I thought I would remain strong; that I had already dealt with and worked through my feelings. That lasted about 2 seconds after I walked into the first parent meeting and found everyone in tears. I broke down. And I just couldn’t seem to stop crying.
I said my good-byes. Went back home. Decided to keep busy (in order to avoid the overwhelming grief and heartbreak that was threatening to consume me) by doing laundry. Out of the dryer came one of Anna’s shirts. Anyone who would have heard the loud wails and sobs that were emitting from the depths of my being would have thought I was grieving the death of my daughter. It’s what it felt like to me. I knew that even though she would most likely come back in 11 months, the Anna I said good-bye to would never really come back. I knew things would never be the same.
I spent the month of September (the first month of her trip) falling back on some old unhealthy coping skills to deal with the emptiness and loneliness that had become my life. Nothing seemed to matter anymore and I just stopped taking care of myself. Then, in October, our pastor announced the “30 in 30” project – 30 minutes of prayer a day for 30 days. We were each called to participate in this and so I committed to putting away my old, unhealthy coping skills and trading them in for a time of fasting and prayer. I picked up several devotionals, including “Jesus Calling” and “Streams in the Desert” and made
my time of devotion and prayer a priority. It not only got me through the month, but I have carried on with this 30 minutes a day every single morning since. It has changed my life.
November and December were busy with the holidays, travel, and family time. I missed Anna more than ever and the holidays were just not the same without her. But I seemed to be growing into the “acceptance” phase of my grief. I hit another brief depression in early January when the loneliness and emptiness once again seemed to engulf me. But God sent along a friend who needed a place to stay for a few weeks and I thankfully asked her to stay with me. Both of us were walking through a very difficult time and we were able to be there for each other. It was truly a blessing.
By the time she moved back into her place around the middle of February, I realized I was OK. I mean, really OK. I didn’t need unhealthy coping skills anymore. I was no longer depressed. I did not even feel lonely or empty anymore. I realized that I had truly found the meaning of the word “contentment” like Paul talks about in Philippians 4:12 “I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation…” (NIV).
It also certainly helped to be able to “Skype,” facebook, and talk to Anna over the phone from time to time. There were a couple of times when she was struggling and I was so tempted to get on a plane to Romania (or wherever she was) and bring her home. But I refrained. I allowed her to grow in the Lord both emotionally and spiritually without my interference. I prayed for her every day. God has kept her safe. And now he is bringing her back home.
She will be home in a short 6 weeks. When she left in September, it felt like she would be gone forever. I know it will not be an easy transition for her and I am willing to give her whatever space and time she needs to adjust back to being home and in the States. And I know that, some day, she will leave again. But for now, I am just so happy that she will be back home.
And I plan on enjoying every moment of it.
