Conversational intimacy with God(or listening prayer) is something I'm hoping to develop over the next 9 months. when I was in Pretoria, one of my squad leaders told me that I hear His voice well, and that I hear it often. I don't know if that's true of me now, or if she was calling it out of me for future use, but either way, I want to walk in it. no surprise, then, that when one of my teammates found a book on listening prayer by Seth Barnes in our AIM house, I wanted to read it. it's actually a daily devotional to be read over the course of a month, with a portion in each day to spend 45 minutes listening for God's voice. I'm about a week into it and haven't spent 45 minutes listening for Him yet, but I do enjoy reading the stories at the beginning of each chapter.
today, one of my teammates took half a sabbath, and I stayed back with her. for some reason, I decided to use part of this time to read the whole book(just the stories at the beginning of each chapter, mostly.) on day 14 (I'm actually supposed to be on day 7), Mr. Barnes posed the question, "Can God trust you?" my initial thought was, "hm. probably not. crap." conviction ensued. for some reason, the exercise at the end of this chapter had little to do with asking God whether or not I was trustworthy and how to remedy it.
instead, it quoted one of my very favorite verses- Zephaniah 3:17. "the Lord your God is with you; He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
and then it issued the application/challenge for the day; "meditate on this verse. sing some praise and worship songs quietly before the Lord. then ask God: "Lord, what do you sing over me?"
for a moment, I felt hopeful. I remembered the first time I read that verse and thinking, "Wow. He sings over me." and then the cynic in me (which is becoming more and more apparent lately) reared her pessimistic little head and said, "cute exercise, but not for me. don't waste my time."
so I shook my head and finished reading the book.
let me explain. it's been a long time since I've felt any sort of affection from God. I know it's there, I just don't experience it. Therefore, the concept of Him singing over me has not been my reality. I more imagined Him standing nearby, but emotionally distant; giving guidance when asked, not because He loves me, but because He wants to use me and I'm willing.
So then I watched Tarzan.
random, right? but I did.
a few of you are already guessing what happened. let me tell you.
He sang to me. He sang, and I heard Him.
"come, stop your crying, it'll be alright/ust take my hand, hold it tight
I will protect you from all around you/ will be here, don't you cry
for one so small, you seem so strong/my arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm
this bond between us can't be broken/I will be here, don't you cry
cause you'll be in my heart, you'll be in my heart
from this day on, now and forevermore
you'll be in my heart, no matter what they say
you'll be here in my heart, always"
of course, I bawled. the cynic in me shrugged, but didn't say anything. she can't argue with Him.
God sings. He sings to me.
have you heard Him singing lately? Maybe you should ask. do it, and let me know what you hear.
thank you for sharing the synphony with me.
-Anna
