10.7.09
Sometimes, I’m a real screw-up…
And yet- you love me. You say that I am the apple of your eye. Time and Time and Time again, you tell me it’s okay. Why? Why do you do that God? Why aren’t you sick of me yet? What if I keep on sinning? What if I enjoy all of my sin? What if I want to punch this kid for screaming all the time? What if I really do punch this kid in the face?
You deserve better than me, God. You shouldn’t have to go into the mud, to rescue me. You shouldn’t have to bring me to the banquet feast when I’ve only made mud pies. You shouldn’t have to.
Thank you.
I choose you. I choose in. I’m sorry. I want to be more like you. I want to make you lauigh, and bring joy to you. I want to make you delicious cakes, not made out of mud. I want to make you proud of me.
But… there’s nothing I can do really. Is there? Is that the point? You love me, and are proud of me, no matter what. You, eat the mud pies I make you with a smile. You… oh you. Oh God. Please don’t reject me. I’m sosrry. I am . Can you help me to straighten this out? I just… can you tell me it’s going to be all right?
“What if it isn’t, anna? What if it stays this way forever, anna? Can a mother forget the daughter she loves? Can she have no compassion on the one that she saw born? Even if she forgets you, rejects you, I will never forget you. I will never reject. I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. You are there, forever. You say you want a tattoo of me on you, well you are tattooed on me, and there is no removal. For better or for worse, this ring will not come off. I have made my covenant with you, and I do not go back on my word. “
Oh God, I am yours forever. I choose you. You choose me. I love you. I love you. Please help me to become the person that you say I am.
