Its been an emotional few weeks. God is breaking me – He is training me for what’s to come. I feel like I’ve been in the middle of spiritual warfare. Its been hard but its been rewarding. God has been there right by my side teaching, providing, directing, encouraging and hugging me! Its been stressful trying to wrap my head around raising money, getting all my camping equipment, insurance and vaccines. Plus I’m getting my debt paid off before I go so I will be debt free. My mountain looks huge but I know God is bigger. Even though I know God is bigger I still want control. I want everything to be done now. The quicker its done the less I have to worry about. Needless to say, this is a huge flaw in me. It needs to be corrected before I am any use to Him on the mission field. If I worry then I’m not trusting Him completely! This is crazy. Why has it been so hard to completely trust the one who gives me breath? He is my Father – The King. He knows what I need better than I do and He has nothing but good things for me. Good things is not material things but a deeper relationship with Him. That is the most important thing in this world. Not money, clothes, cars, etc – all these things mean nothing without a deep relationship with your Lord. Why have I spent ALL this time worrying about how everything will get done, repenting 20 times a day for worrying, giving it to Him and taking it back from Him. I finally cried out to God to help me stop this cycle of sin. I want to be free from it. God has been right beside me encouraging me with a letter, a song, scripture and encouraging words from great friends. God spoke to me this weekend and was like “Anna, if you step on that plane with nothing more than the clothes on your back then that’s all you need! I’m the one who knows what you need and I will provide for you my child!” Now I’m going to be honest, the devil still tries to sneak in my head, but its easier to cast him out. I already have everything I need! God is in my heart! His hands are on me! He loves me and I love Him! Just to be in His presence! All I need is God! If God chooses to never bless me again with material things – I must know that I’m blessed!! My value is in my relationship with my King not how He provides for me.
