I was sitting on a wooden swing overlooking the Caribbean as the stars twinkled overhead. My heart was muddled and the struggle with God was real.
“Give me permission to take you out of control so I can be in control.”, He was saying. Lately my eyes were opened to how much a control freak I am when it comes to my life. I need everything in order and controlled, and as soon as anything begins to feel contrary to that, my first tendency is to use all my strength to reel it back in. I knew I would eventually say “yes” to what my Father was asking, but in my brokenness I first put up a fight. Then, like a child learning submission, I finally said “Fine, God. You can put me out of control, and you can take over.”
I felt a tinge of anxiety praying that, because I knew God answers those kind of prayers.
Seven days later at 6 am, five of my friends and I plunged into the aqua Caribbean ocean. The sun had just lit up the world. Everything was peaceful and still. Because technically I don’t know how to swim, I was afloat a cheap inner tube I had purchased for a couple dollars before the trip. Our eyes were fixed about 250 yards out from shore, to the place where was the second largest barrier reef in the world. It didn’t take long before I realized my weak doggy-paddle motions would get me no where fast. I was depressed to think I might never make it out to the reef.
A weakness I have is my strong stubbornness. I don’t like to need help, and I don’t like when I can’t be self-sufficient and independent. However, in this moment there was no way I could manage on my own. I needed help. My friends came to my rescue and graciously offered their assistance, in spite of my hesitancy to receive it. Once we finally reached our destination, we spent a large portion of an hour snorkeling, swimming, and hanging out in the ocean.
A few minutes after we began our venture back to shore, I looked down to see we had come upon a massive patch of coral, parts of it protruding from the water. I felt there was a catastrophe waiting to happen. Before I could even think, my tube and I were beached. I scrambled to stand up for fear of puncturing my tube, but the waves washing around me and the coral wrestled against me. The longer I was shoved around on the coral, the more pain I began to feel, but I had no time to pay it attention. By the time I got back onto my feet, the tube my hands were clutching had completely deflated. I was mortified. Not only was I now stranded without a “life saving” device, but it was also the second tube to have been deflated. The only remaining tube was several yards away from me. Somehow I had to get to it, but I didn’t know how.
At this point, I felt a strong urge to cry of petrifaction and the stinging pain on my legs. I couldn’t see how I’d ever get out of the mess of coral I was on and back to the far-away shore. I eventually made it to the other tube, so with my friends on either side of me, we proceeded forward. But the fright wasn’t over. We were soon surrounded by the silent existence of more coral just beneath the water surface. Finally as a desperate attempt to protect my tube, I laid fully on top instead of in it, and Kate grabbed my hand. While snorkeling, she then swam with her left arm, grasped my hand with her right one, and led us the rest of the way out of the coral maze. Imagine my relief when the ocean bottom turned from channels of white sand and coral to squishy, slimy grass. When I finally reached dry ground, I lay draped across my still inflated tube for a few minutes, breathing deeply and just so grateful that what happened was a story with a good ending.
But the story isn’t over yet.
A full week later I am still having after effects of the serious fire coral stings I obtained. At this moment, my legs and arms are a patchwork of swelling and inflammation. The itch drives me to the point of crazy. I’ve literally just applied a layer of three different anti-itch creams before jumping into bed.
As I scratch, I keep being reminded of my prayer: to be out of control. God must have known that prayer wasn’t a joke. When I was caught in the middle of the ocean, unable to swim, I was completely out of control. But God wasn’t, and He chose to meet my need through my friends.
Stay posted for a blog pertaining to the other things about which God is speaking to my heart. I am now in Chile and the lessons are continuing. Also, an update about fundraising for this trip: I am only $2,169 away from being fully funded! I will need that full amount by the 30th of April. If you feel led, click on the “support me” link and make a donation of any amount. Thank you a million times over for all the ways in which you support me on this crazy, Kingdom journey on which my my Father has me. You are an integral part.
