November 17, 2012 was the memorial.
On October 27, 2012 I found out that my Grandma passed away. She was the wife of my Grandpa who died on his birthday of June 12, 2012.
It wrecked me. I have gone all my life with all 4 grandparents, and within 5 months I lost two of them.
And I was away from my family once again. I was half a world away this time. My team and the other team that was with me were helpful, in supporting and encouraging me.
But it still hurt. She wasn't supposed to die.
She even made me a promise… "I'll try not to die while you're gone."
I promised her I would soak up all that God had for me in this year.
She didn't keep up her end of the deal.
I wanted to go home so badly for the funeral, but I was stuck in a remote town with no way of getting home.
I didn't realize why I wanted so badly to be there until about a week ago.
The last time I saw my Grandma was after my Grandpa's funeral. We spent a nice day together, and then said goodbye. This is when she made that promise to me. So I said goodbye, but not a "real" goodbye. A goodbye that was a see you when I get home, kind of goodbye. Not a goodbye until heaven kind of goodbye.
So when I went to a funeral about a week ago, it made me think of how much I miss my Grandma.
And then I realized it…
I hadn't forgiven myself for not saying a "real" goodbye to my Grandma.
So with the help of my team's words from the Father, and some all out weeping, I finally was able to forgive myself.
It doesn't mean that I am done grieving, but it's helping me to heal a little.
Because I wasn't able to make it to the memorial, I wrote out some memories and reflections for my family to read. I would like to share them with you…
My name is Anna Jeanette (Bolinder), and I absolutely love my name. This is because I am named after three amazing women. One of them is my beautiful Grandma, Angenette Gulbransen.
When I found out that Grandma had gone home to her final resting place, my mind and my flesh were sad. But my heart knew it was her time to see her Heavenly Father. It has been very hard being halfway across the globe. I thought about trying to come home for this service, but after talking with family and much prayer, I decided it was best to stay where I am. Before I left, I got to tell Grandma about what I was doing this year. She was very excited that I would be able to serve in so many places of the Father’s Kingdom. And fortunately, I have a great family team here in Ocnita, Moldova to help me through this time. So, because I cannot physically be a part of this beautiful celebration of Grandma’s life, I wanted to share some of my reflections on her life.
I am very close to all of my family, but I am especially close to my Grandma, She took care of my siblings and me when mom was sick. I was very little at this time. One of my most treasured memories was sitting on Grandma’s lap, rocking in her rocking chair when she took care of us. She would tell me stories and sing to me, and sometimes we would sing together. I know this was one of her favorite memories, too, because she would tell me about it a lot.
She taught me how to cross stitch. She was an amazing seamstress, and we made many doll clothes together. We also made stuffed animals. I also loved learning to bake with Grandma. I still love baking to this day!
Not only was she a fantastic baker, Grandma was a great cook, too. One of my favorite foods for a long time was her chicken pot pie, but I would eat the biscuits separate with honey on them!
Grandma’s rolls… No one makes them the same.
She made the best soups from scratch, too. In fact one of my last memories with Grandma was after Grandpa’s memorial. Mom and I went to her house the next day. She was sitting outside in her chair, and she had fallen asleep. She was so glad to see us, and we went inside and had one of her tasty soups for lunch. And I got to spend some precious time with Grandma, and mom. I treasure that time even more now.
I loved the times I went to spend with Grandpa and Grandma by myself during the summers. I always loved that big Aurora house. One time, I remember she had gotten creamy peanut butter for me (because I didn’t like chunky then), and wrote an “A” in it. She said “see it even has your initial in it. That means it’s specially for you!” Grandma always knew how to make me feel special. I think she knew how to make a lot of people feel special.
I loved all our Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings and celebrations at that house, too. It was busy and crazy. But the house was always filled with so much warmth and love. Grandma would always cook a ton of food, and there was always leftovers. Grandpa would clear a place on the pond for us to skate on in the winter. And then Grandma would make hot chocolate for us when we came in to warm up.
I learned the trick of putting Nesquick powder on ice cream – a very tasty treat, from Grandma.
My first semester of college, I went to North Park. It was a hard semester, and I spent most of my weekends at Grandma’s house. She would do my laundry, so I could rest. And of course she filled me with lots of good food and love! I learned a lot on those wonderful weekends, too.
I loved going on shopping trips with Grandma and Mom. We would go out to lunch and rest our feet for a while. We also had great conversations during our trips.
We also had a lot of fun playing games together.
I loved having Grandma scratch my back, and sing me songs to sleep.
I will always remember the feel of her soft skin.
The sound of her voice, especially her singing. I could always pick her out. I will always remember the sound of her voice, and the way it sounded as she got older. So beautiful!
And of course I have countless priceless memories from the cottage! Making moss houses. Walks in the woods. Going to Jones’ and getting ice cream, and sitting on the front of the bank to eat it.
Not only do I have wonderful memories, but I also learned so many good life lessons from Grandma. She was such a wise and beautiful woman!
I learned how to have an open home – Grandpa and Grandma always had people living with them.
How to live a life pleasing to the Father.
How to raise a family who follows and loves the Lord!
How to love well.
She was a fighter, and I now know I’ve got that fighter in me, too!
One last favorite memory:
One morning, when Grandma was taking care of us, I looked outside the window. I was little and not talking much yet. The neighbor’s house had been teepeed. I looked out, and then looked at Grandma very seriously and said “Amazing, but stupid!” This became one of her favorite phrases. Whenever something didn’t make sense to her, she would look up at me, get this little grin on her face, and say “amazing, but stupid,” and then laugh. I will always remember how she did that, and how we experienced the “amazing, but stupid” things in life together.
Finally I have a love of music, something I think I learned from Grandma, too. And there have been two songs that have helped me in these past few weeks. I would like to share some of the lyrics.
The first is called “I Was There”
I'm always around
I was then and I am now
And I'll be here when tomorrow comes
When a road comes to an end
I'm where you start again
I'm never farther than a word away
You've always got a friend
When your grandma passed, I was in that house
And when your grandpa ran down the streets of gold to show her around
I was there
I know that Grandpa and Grandma are up in Heaven, with full radiant bodies. They are singing and dancing, and watching over all of us.
And last is one that reminds me of how Grandma lived, and the legacy that she leaves with us to keep living.
It is called “Build Your Kingdom Here”
We seek Your kingdom first
We hunger and we thirst
Refuse to waste our lives
For You’re our joy and prize
To see the captive hearts released
The hurt; the sick; the poor at peace
We lay down our lives for Heaven’s cause
We are Your church
We pray revive
The Earth
Grandma, I love you with all of my heart!
Here’s to a life well lived, every day!
