After a great debrief in Guatemala, we arrived safely in Nicaragua.
We put our things in the room we would stay in for the month, and then went to have a lunch with our contact. We were served avery nice lunch and then we learned more about what we would be doing for the month.
The people and the place we were staying at were both nice.
However, I had no desire to be there. I was ready to be done with the Race.
I felt nothing…
At the time I couldn’t really figure out why I felt this way.
But of course looking back on the month I have gained some perspective.
Our setting was very different. Instead of being in a city with a lot of freedom to explore, we were on a compound in a place that was not very safe to venture out on our own. Our team was with another all girls team, all living in the same room.
Our ministry kept us much more busy than the month before.
All of these changes were good, but I was not quite ready for them.
But more importantly, it was finally settling in that I am in this for real. I have never been away from my family for more than two months, so I was starting to feel a little homesick as we were in month three.
Sometime in the first two weeks, we were going to our preschool ministry. As we got out of the car, we all felt really weird. Then we realized we were experiencing the aftershocks of an earthquake. This shook me. I started to get some feeling back. I thought I would be back to normal after this. But I was not. It was a little better for a while, but then the listless, nothing feeling crept back in.
This is all to say that it was a fight for me everyday in Nicaragua.
Later I found out my Grandma, who I am very close to, got very sick. This upset me so much, especially being far away.
I have always been someone who does not share my emotions. Maybe with a few people, but mostly I hold them in. But when I found out about my Grandma, I cried right there in front of a few people I didn’t know very well. And then in our team time, I talked about it and cried very hard. My wonderful team prayed over me, my Grandma and my family. It was beautiful!
At the end of the month, both teams that were at our location worked on preparing the courtyard to be a garden. We had to pull up all the ground cover. It was rooted all over the place. So, we had to use pick-axes to get it up.
With all of these things, I have realized something very important. God has been slowly picking away at my walls that I have erected. But now He has taken His pick-axe to one of my walls. This month He has taken it to my wall of vulnerability. It is a pretty thick and strong wall, but I know that He will break it down in His time.
It scares me, but I know it will be good.
So for now, I am preparing myself for that wall to fall.
