Impossible.
im·pos·si·ble.
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adjective
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We hear the quotes.
We know the scriptures.
“Nothing is impossible with God. All things are possible when you believe. Etc. Etc. Etc.”
But I’m just going to take a minute and be a disciple of Jesus. A raw, open, vulnerable disciple of Jesus who is coming out from behind her Instagram/ Facebook account that proclaims how much she trusts in the Lord.
I know who Jesus is. I have experienced Him in the most beautiful ways and I have climbed to the mountain tops with Him. I have stood victoriously on the battle field and I have witnessed Him over and over and over and over and over again pour out His blessings upon me and provide my every need. I know that God is good. I know that He is sovereign.
But sometimes I hurt.
A lot of times I doubt.
And a good bit of the time I believe that it just makes more sense to call things out for what I think they are in that moment or season..… impossible.
I had a mentor once who lived such a beautiful life. She never shared her weaknesses with me, she never told me what a struggle her life as a believer was, and she made it look like following Jesus was easier than eating a cupcake. (Which is really easy for me, obviously)
I thought I was doing it wrong all along… that I was a bad christian because I doubted. I thought God was disappointed in me because I still struggled with temptations, and I thought that I would never be able to follow Jesus because of so many things I thought were “impossible.”
But you know what… There is no way to do it “right.” There is no one good, no not one. There is no one who does well enough, there is not one person who doesn’t doubt, and I can guarantee you every single follower of Jesus struggles.
In preparing for the world race I was told I have to raise almost 17,000 dollars.
“Awesome… No sweating there. God is good and He always provides.”
But wait…. let’s throw in another couple of thousand dollars for shots and gear…
“K cool. No big deal… Where He guides He provides.”
But wait… how about we add in a failing kidney and thousands of dollars in medical bills…
“Well… now wait a minu…”
And how about this? There is a possibility that if this surgery doesn’t work, we cant let you go on the world race…
“Impossible”
Hello, my name is Anissa but you can call me “Naomi.” Because when things don’t seem to go my way I ask God why He has done this to me, but the second He provides the funds and heals my body the same lips I used to question Him I will use to praise Him.
I cried to God after my doctor’s appointment. I know for a fact God doesn’t want our empty praises, He wants to meet us where we are at… wherever that is.
He always reaches down. When Peter was walking out on to the water he saw the waves and began to doubt. Immediately he fell into the water but without hesitation Jesus reached down to rescue Him.
When Jesus called His disciples He met them right where they were at as fishermen. He said “come and I will make you fishers of men.”
Ready for some good ole rawness? Ready to experience the mind of Anissa Lotti?
I am in a drought.
If I were to be honest I would say I am in the hardest season of my life. Im trying to figure out how to be “all here” while I am preparing to go. Meanwhile the fear of realizing at any moment my kidney could explode into a million tiny pieces (exaggeration) and prevent me from going scares the complete crap out of me. When I succeed in one area of my life whether that is youth ministry or relationships, I tend to fail or leave behind the other areas of my life and so on and so on.
If I were to be completely honest… I’m not okay. I’m in over my head.
I’m saying this not to complain or have a pity party… I say all of this to say it’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to struggle and it’s okay to be in the valley… but the difference is that it’s not okay to stay there. Remember the mountain top is coming and you grow, learn and are sanctified in the valley. God does His most beautiful work in the valley, because He makes you realize how He can make beauty out of the rags and joy in the pain.
So what do you do when you don’t know what to do? When you are just.. tired. Really tired.
You fight.
You fight hard.
You fight because the enemy wants a foothold and you do whatever you can to slam that door in his face.
You let Jesus reach down into the waves and you don’t let the initial fall into the water cause you to swim away from Him in embarrassment and doubt.
You fight. You don’t swim against the waves… you embrace them. You let them push you up and carry you straight to Jesus.
You don’t fight the battle… you see… because Jesus has already won. You fight yourself. You fight the desire to run away and you fight your flesh that is weak and frail, and desires to just give up.
What does that look like? When you know God has called you to do something but every obstacle that could possibly arise does… what do you do?
You keep going and trust that it will all come to pass. Here is what that looks like…
People have been asking me if I think that all of these obstacles are God’s way of showing me I am not meant to go on the World Race in September… absolutely not.
I believe obstacles are placed for us to learn and grow and hurdle over them… not to give up. If God wanted to close the door… He will. But for right now I am going to fight and set my eyes on His promise that He will see this through.
So I’m going to sell canvases and tee shirts. I’m going to sell my stuff and my car and I’m going to buy my gear and get all of my shots. I’m going to do everything I can to add works to my faith and faith to my works. Because if I just sit here twiddling my thumbs wandering what will happen next… my faith is dead. I have to put my faith into action.. to lay everything on the line to do what I know God is calling me to do.
When you encounter the impossible…
Prove
It
Wrong
If God can raise Jesus Christ from the grave in 3 days… He can heal your cancer, raise your money, or put your parents back together in any amount of days.
He is able.
So as I sit here at my desk I look to my left at the bills pilled up on my printer… and tears feel my eyes as I count them as joy. (James 1) I praise God for these bills because they show and reveal His protection. Could you imagine if I began to have all these issues while living in a bush in a tent out in Nepal?
“The problem is you need to stop getting so close to the problem.. does this make sense? Think of it like a canvas. If you stand too close to it all you will see is black. You see the darkness and it begins to overwhelm you because that’s all there is. But when you take a step back and view the bigger picture on the canvas… you realize it was just the inner coloring of a flower being painted on the beautiful picture that is your life.
Now… I’m going to speak this next part into my heart and I want you to do the same.
Back away from the canvas and see that the problems are not problems and the pain is creating something beautiful that is needed to complete the entire picture.
Finally, keep going. Don’t stop here because He has brought you too far and I bet if you look back you will notice that He has never left you.
Consider it joy when you face trials, and let them give you perseverance to keep going.
You’ve got this, and He’s got you.
Finish the race and run with endurance even if no one is cheering you on.
Even if the enemy ties your shoe laces together
Even when it seems like the course is too long.
And in the moments where you feel you can’t run…
Let Him carry you for He is willing, He is able…
And He always reaches down.
