I like clothes.
I really, really, really, really like clothes.
Makeup is fun to put on, and wanding my hair is glorious when I don’t burn the smack out of every finger doing it.
I LOVE boots, and boot cuffs and when I find a purse that includes black and tan to match every outfit I am the happiest girl in the world.
I hate to admit it, and I hope it doesn’t make me sound shallow… But I…
Anissa Lotti…
Am…
A…
Diva.
Ugh, that hurt to even type. Gross.
I have only slept outside once in my life and I have never been camping.
I tried to use a squatty potty in Belize and peed all over my leg.
I tried to pee in the woods and peed straight into my pants, and when I tried the second time squatting I lost my balance and rolled down a hill with my pants… you guessed it… around my ankles.
If I see a spider in my room I pack my bags and move to a new state, and I take 30 minute showers because I sing karaoke to “Hit me baby one more time”, and “A moment like this”.
I am a selfish, self seeking, materialistic diva and I am shattered by it.
I wasn’t always this way though… When I was at school in Chatsworth I had nothing… I mean I seriously prayed that God would somehow provide Shampoo for me because I had no job, bills, and very little support. All my clothes came from Goodwill when I could afford them, and I had forgotten what it was like to buy something special for myself.
Then I moved to a nice area, got a great job, and somehow took advantage of what was given to me.
“10 When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. 11 Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. 12 Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, 13 and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, 14 then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 15 He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. 16 He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. 17 You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” 18 But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.” Deuteronomy 8:10-18
I forgot what it was like to not have a lot because I was so consumed with all the “somthings.” Even growing up we always struggled financially until eventually the bank took away our house, but now things are different. I could drive to the mall and shop at all the nicest boutiques, I never had to ask “can I afford this?” and I ate out any time I wanted. Forget about Suave shampoo!!! I use organic!!! Ew. What. A. Diva.
I like to compare my lifestyle to a diet. It was like I went so long without chocolate cake that the second I got a taste of it… I WENT CRAZY. I’m talking a chocolate cake party up in here to where I cant stop eating that darn chocolate cake… and that my friends is how the diva was born.
I went so long without nice things that I felt entitled to them, and I’m not going to try to hide it… still do.
I am wrong.
I am in the wrong.
I am a diva.
So… how do you break a diva of her selfish ways and get her back to the place where God is enough?
You break her.
You break her heart and show her that we are not called to this Earth to store up nice things for ourselves. You tell her that if she is spending more time in the mirror than in the Word she is lost and pointless. You teach her about the girls her age who have already become mothers and are struggling just to find clean water. You tell her that the purse she just bought could feed an entire family for a month, and you remind her that man looks on the outer appearance but the Lord looks on the heart.
And then…
Then you send her across the world where she wont have showers, bathrooms or a bed to sleep on. You send her to live out of a backpack where her tent will be her home and she will sometimes share it with rats and cockroaches. You send her on a journey where she will wash her clothes in a river and wear them until they are covered in dirt and holes.
You break her heart and remind her that the things of this earth will fade. You tell her that her outer appearance and what she has will fade… but her inheritance in heaven and the kingdom at will expand will not perish or spoil. You tell her to invest in what will last for an eternity.
Obedience leads to sacrifice, but sacrifice can also lead to obedience.
Her name is Stacy Hamlin and she is NOT a diva… she is my hero. Her and her husband were called to take their family to Brazil and minister to the beautiful people there. I can still picture us sitting outside of her closet and her throwing pretty much everything she owned away. Her nice makeup, clothes, hair supplies… all thrown with open hands into a plastic bag to be given away. I’m not going to lie… I was excited she was handing this stuff down to me but my heart kind of broke for her. All her worldly possessions she tossed away because she believed what her and her husband were about to do was worth so much more than some petty name brands. In her obedience she made sacrifices, but her sacrifices led to my obedience.
All I can take is a backpack.. all I can carry on my back are my NEEDS for survival and not my wants or desires. How can I do this? With open hands… open hands like Stacy’s. Because when you fully let go of the things that don’t matter, you can truly take hold of Jesus and the beauty He is calling you to.
“What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ” Philippians 3:8
Garbage… rubbish… crap compared to the worth of knowing Jesus Christ, my Savior, my Lord. Its all meaningless, worthless, and adds no value to my life. Where as man looks out my outer appearance and may say “she’s got it going on”, the Lord could be looking at my heart saying “She is righteous and clothed with strength and dignity! She can laugh at the days to come!”
But instead… to be honest… right now I feel like He has every right to say… “Her heart is treacherous because she so deeply cares about the things of this world, therefore she will fear the days to come, and they will overwhelm her and try to overcome her.”
Hi, my name is Anissa Lotti and I am a diva.
A broken, humbled, shattered diva who just came to the realization that I don’t have to wait 8 months to change that.
I count everything else as loss because Jesus is more.
So I delight in my weaknesses because for when I am weak… then I am strong. When I am humbled… He lifts me up.
And when I open my hands…
He does immeasurably more.
