This week we have been ministering in a lot of high schools. It’s been great to spend time with the youth in Tanzania and I really feel like I’m back at FPC Youth Ministry when I’m counseling the girls or speaking at an assembly. The first part of the week the men and women from our team split up so we could visit more schools and cover more “turf” for the Kingdom. Paul and Mac went back to South Beach (the island hours away) and visited two schools. Angela, Alana and I went to an all-girls boarding school very near our house. We never really know what we will be doing when we go out and preach/teach/counsel, and this day was the same as any other day…we would be doing God knows what for God knows how long. After the men dropped us off in our Land Cruiser car (Pastor Chediel gave our team our very own SUV to do ministry this month, which is amazing) we went to meet the Pastor of the all-girls school.
He informed the three of us that we would be leading a three-hour church service for the 300 students at the school, and that he had convinced the Head Master of the school to allow us to take the entire day with the girls, so they cancelled classes just for us to come. We had nothing prepared. NOTHING. These days on the Race are honestly my favorite because it’s the days when our team really comes together and we allow the Holy Spirit to lead our ministry more than the times we prepare a lot. Alana, Angela and I worked so well together that day. Alana played the guitar and sang and Angela and I were her “back-up singers” which was fun. The girls sang us various songs in Swahili which I think is one of the most beautiful things my ears have ever heard…African praise music and worship time is my favorite. Angela started out the message and preaching portion of the service with her testimony and some encouragement about the beauty of being a woman. Then Alana went to give her testimony and a brief message before it was my time to talk. Everything was going smoothly when at the end of Alana’s message she asked the 300 girls if any of them had boyfriends, or if they had every had a boyfriend. The room filled with awkward laughter and everyone, especially the Pastor of the school looked very embarassed and confused.
I asked Pastor David what was wrong with Alana’s question and he replied, “Here in Africa, when you talk about a boyfriend or girlfriend, it is very taboo. A boyfriend or girlfriend is someone you are having a lot of sex with.” I laughed so hard and poor Alana was still standing up, looking very confused at why chaos broke out when she, a Christian missionary, said the word “boyfriend”. I immediately remembered preaching to an all-boys boarding school in Kenya and asking them if any of them had “girlfriends” and thinking it was very odd when Pastor Ezekiel looked at me confused before he translated it, and feeling very confused when all the boys giggled and got embarassed. After the explaining to the girls that we didn’t mean the African version of “boyfriends and girlfriends” and that we were all waiting to have sex until we get married, whenever that will be, I preached to the girls on Revelation 3 (being lukewarm) and I gave my testimony.
After the service (which, by the grace of God was exactly three hours long) we met with the girls and they had lots of questions about dating in America. Apparently in Africa, they don’t really “date” and if you do “date” like we do in the States, you are very wealthy. I said that when we go on a date we will go to a movie or dinner and they said only the upper class Africans can afford to do that. When it’s time to marry, every tribe has a different tradition. The families are always involved and have a lot of say in the marriage, and they court instead of date. Courting implies meeting type situations with the entire family on both sides discussing dowry for the bride. Things like animals, land and money are negotiated for the bride price, and then if everything goes according to plan, you get married right away. While we like to take time getting to know a person before commiting to marrying them in the US, they decide much quicker about the marriage and get to know the person after the wedding and during their first year together as husband and wife.
We told Pastor that some of us have been in relationships for a year to two and a half years with people back home and we broke up without ever getting married or even engaged, and he was so shocked to find this out. Everyone was very surprised that you can date someone exclusively for a long period of time (one year to many years), without ever having sex. We informed the Pastor and the girls that in the “Christian Born Again community” in the US, it is very possible to stay pure and celebate while still be commited to someone and being love. They asked us if the parents are the ones that make the arrangements to date and we told them that a lot of people want their parents approval and blessing when dating someone but that it was usually up to the man or woman themselves to decide if the person they were in a relationship with was a person with good character. It was such an interesting conversation to have with the Pastor and the girls, and everyone left more open minded about intercultural relationships.
Now I know that when we go to a school, a church or anywhere else, whether it’s in Africa, Central or South America or Asia, when we are preaching and giving our testimony, we need to make sure our definitions of words are the same as the cultures definition of a word. I’m glad that the girls understand that we were not endorsing having a lot of sex before marriage and I’m glad that we got to learn about the Tanzanian culture of romance and marriage. One of my favorite things about this year has been the ridiculous communication difficulties we have had with contacts, congregations and friends. There is always some sort of issue in the way we’re trying to talk but 9 times out of 10 it’s always hilarious and makes for a great story.
