I don’t want to go to Africa.
The thought cuts through me in an instant of realization. I don’t want to go to Africa. I repeat this phrase in my head, trying it on, trying to figure out how truthful this notion is. My actions for the last few hours certainly reflect this idea. I’ve been short with people, almost growling at answers to mundane questions. I’ve been more stressed going through airport security than I have been in years. And this idea is in my head. That I don’t want to go to Africa. That I have no desire to see anything in Africa, to hold little African babies, to pray over HIV patients, to do any of the normal World Race African stuff. I just don’t want to go.
Some people have told me, “its not that bad, you’ll get used to camping.” That isn’t my problem. I enjoy camping, and to be honest, with the gear I have, this will be some of the cushiest camping I’ve enjoyed. The potentially rough conditions have nothing to do with me not wanting to go to Africa. The lack of variety of food doesn’t bother me either. Everything that has been described to me (with the exception of one dish involving spinach) includes things I eat, and if it gets monotonous, well, there is a reason there are a dozen spices in my pack.
I don’t know if it is because we are going to Kenya, or if it is something else. I know almost nothing about Kenya, other than it seems that half the squad has been there before, and everyone loves it. That and apparently our president elect has Kenyan blood in him. I’d rather go to Swaziland or South Africa. I know more about those places. I’ve read more blogs, known more people who have lived there. If we were headed to Nsoko, my heart would be racing with joyous anticipation. But we are not. We are going to Kenya.
I don’t want to go to Africa. But I have to. God has called me to the World Race, and Africa, specifically Kenya, is part of that calling. Right now, I don’t like that, and I’m a little cranky about it. I’m getting on the plane though, and I am praying that God will work in me to change my mind about this place called Africa.
