Goodbyes: I thought I finished with those when I left Florida for Launch in Washington D.C. Turns out, I was wrong. I had said my goodbyes in person but one week later, as I prepared to step onto the plane to India, it was time for a whole different level of them.
The image of my squad scattered throughout the airport, all on phone calls or typing frantically on computer keypads with tears in their eyes, keeps replaying in my mind. For some of us, it was a moment of panic. Questions flashed through our minds. Questions like: Is this really happening? What have I gotten myself into? Others of us were ecstatic. We have been preparing for this for so long that we are ready to finally get out there and just do it. The rest seemed to fall into a numbness. it still hasn't hit them. It may not fully, ever.
But regardless of the response, we all one by one stepped onto that plane, and whether those steps came easily or by great effort, sacrifice was made in that moment, sacrifice that spoke volumes even in the silence of our footsteps.
It is a sacrifice that says something a little different for everyone. It says:
"I may not understand, God, but I don't have to. You asked and simply for that my answer is 'yes.' "
Or
"I am gladly laying down everything familiar to be your hands and feet on this handcrafted adventure."
Or even
"I want to serve you anyway that you ask, regardless of what needs to be put on hold to do so."
My heart echoed a mixed of those thoughts. I felt an equal dose of excitement, sadness, peace, trust and uncertainty. It's funny: I didn't know all those emotions could exist at once. Is it possible for one to feel both great joy at the knowledge of pleasing the Father and deep mourning for the realization of the sacrifice that it requires? I suppose it is.
I suppose it's a great deal like Abraham felt when walking Isaac to the mountain top.
Or how Jesus felt in the hours before his death on the cross.
Either way, the hardest part is over. The sacrifice has been made. Now it is time to bask in the fullness of joy that comes from obeying our Papa. I love Him so! I would do it again a hundred times over if He asked.
Angelique
PS. I couldn't have been more proud of our team. In those final minutes before the flight, we surrounded one another and prayed over the full spectrum of emotions we were feeling. We prayed over those who were thrilled and those who were sad, and still those who were caught in the in-betweens. I am so grateful that we didn't have to feel those things alone. I am so grateful that God is already knitting our hearts together into a family.
