I haven’t returned your phone calls.
I have dodged you texts.
I have let your emails and messages linger without replies.
I have not posted items for you to buy.
I have not bombarded you with blog posts.
I have not asked you to purchase bracelets.
I’ll admit it: I have been avoiding you.
Because let’s face it, no one likes asking for money.
I think it is especially hard for me because I am a fiercely independent person. I have always been the girl who won’t even talk about something (even to my nearest and dearest friends) until I’ve completely thought it through and figured it out on my own. That way when I do talk about it, my thoughts are not a big jumbled mess and I can sound wise and mature and not a confused or frazzled. (Secret: Despite being quite disorganized, I have this terrible need to come across as put-together.)
Asking for money is hard. It requires both the humility to admit I need help and the grace to accept help when it’s offered. It requires putting myself out there and being vulnerable with you and trusting that God will choose to use some of you to send me on this journey.
I never dreamt I would have the opportunity to go on an adventure this radical. I never thought that I would need to raise support for anything, let alone this seemingly impossible amount. Who knows where I would have been had the Lord not snagged my heart, shook up my plans and pulled me in this direction. I am so so confident that He has asked me to do this and I know that He is calling me out of the comfortable and asking me to enter into an extraordinary level of trust.
I wish very much that I could sit down with each of you and share my true heart about this. I am doing my best to convey this sense in my heart of awkwardness and simultaneous joy in pursuing that which the Creator of the universe has asked of me. I want you all to know that my heart overflows with love at the thought of the precious gifts He has given me in your relationships. I am so undeserving of such remarkable blessings. So, thank you for reading this far. Thank you for even thinking about praying or sending money.
I truly believe that a part of this experience requires depending on the support of others, through prayer and encouragement and finances. Asking for prayer and fundraising are just as much acts of obedience as stepping on the plane and leaving everything behind. Knowing this, I tried it out for a little bit. It was alright at first, but as soon as it grew uncomfortable, I ditched the support letters and prayer chains and concentrated instead on doing it all myself. I picked up as many shifts as possible, cut my grocery budget down drastically, and cancelled my World Vision child sponsorship.
Wanna guess what happened?
I found out I can’t do it on my own (Yeah, I know. Duh. Could have seen that one coming). Despite all my hard work, I wasn’t getting anywhere. I started feeling like I was trapped inside a board game.
‘Laptop breaks. Miss a turn.’
Or
‘Unexpected car payment. Go back 3 spaces.’
The more I tried, the more hurdles came my way. I come to you now, utterly exhausted, and in the quiet of giving up I realize that God has been waiting on this all along. He has been trying to teach me a lesson on dependence… dependence on humanity… on my church family… but more than anything on Him. And it has strongly convicted me. So my goal in this blog is to be truly humble and transparent with you… and please bear with me because it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable and even a little panicked. (Side note: I was going to write ‘bare with me’ until I realized I would be inviting you all to undress.)
I currently have $6,047 in my account, $4,150 of which is money I sent in myself. I have to raise $15,500 total. It is a daunting sum but God is so good and I am trusting completely that He will take care of me. He already has in so many ways. I can hardly believe the generosity of so many. So THANK YOU. Thank you to those who have prayed for me and my team. Thank you to those who have donated. Thank you to those who have bought bracelets. Thank you to those who have told your friends or family or have posted links on your profiles. Unfortunately, however, I am still quite far from the $15,500 mark. I am still hoping and praying that the Lord will provide me with all of my funds BEFORE I leave in July…and that is less than 5 months from now. EEEK!
So here I am, asking for your help. I need prayer. I mean that with all my heart. Secondly, and quite importantly, I really need money. It is hard for me to ask this of you. It truly is. But, at the same time, it is such a powerful way to join in this ministry and I know from deeply personal experience how much transformation can come from being a prayer warrior for those on the field.
I hope you have heard my heart in this. I hope you have found me to be genuine in my thoughts to you. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for caring. Thank you for your presence in my life, in whatever capacity you are a part of it.
Sincerely,
Angelique.
