I hadn’t thought too much about Benny all summer. Except that the honor with which he shared God’s thoughts about me, lingered in my heart. I may have thought to myself on occasion, ‘who is this guy??’.
About 2 weeks before returning to Atlanta for our team debrief, I had a dream that caused me to really begin pondering the depths of God’s desire to bless His children. In the dream I was given an engagement ring, but I didn’t like it. It didn’t represent any of my heart’s desires and left me feeling like i had to find something to make up for my disappointment. I thought, maybe I could use my mother’s engagement ring, but as it appeared in the dream, old and dirty, it only made my heart long for more. but before anguish could set in, my Dad burst onto the scene. Light was beaming from his face and life spilled out drenching the surrounding scenery. “WAIT, WAIT! No, my daughter deserves the best!” and he presents me with a ring of divine magnitude. I was in awe at the beauty one piece of jewellery could hold. It touched the depths of my heart not only because it reflected the beauty I felt bubbling up inside of me, but also because my Dad’s heart was bursting at the seams to reveal his daughters worth. This representing the Father’s heart towards us. Out of the abundance of His own heart speaks the desire to reveal the value deep within that He sees being formed in us.
The ring… a pearl.
A very intimate detail of the dream. Jesus used the analogy of a pearl at one point in my journey on the World Race to explain the process of healing, wisdom and beauty that He wanted to walk me into. I’m not going to go into details about the pearl and it’s oyster, that’s a whole other blog… oh but look, somebody already wrote it!! click here for the best written blog about oysters ever! seriously, a beautiful creature and a must read!
Well, after that dream I was deeply moved by God’s thoughts for me, however I had a bit of a guarded hope in reading too far into the fact that He used an engagement ring as a focal point. It’s funny because I don’t think I have ever stopped for even a moment to daydream about an engagement ring, I’m also the kind of girl who never put much thought into her wedding day either. I assumed one day it would happen and was sure that it would be nice… end of thought. My mind was a bit more on the mystery guy ;). Anyway, with that dream I had something to chew on for a few weeks.
After arriving in Atlanta and sending my lovely kiddos home to wreck their parents lives with their new discoveries of the Holy Spirit, the world and themselves, I bumped into Benny in the hotel lobby. He said he had something “crazy” to tell me. We couldn’t actually sit down to talk until the next day and so until then I kept going over in my mind, ‘I thought we already did ‘crazy’! He took a big risk 2 months ago when he told me some secrets about my own heart and future husband… but he says now he’s getting crazy on me?? where is this going? haha, this could be fun or disastrous’.
Well, when the conversation was said and done, he had shared more things that God had told him about my heart and the new season that God was leading him into, and then he invited me to come to his hometown… in Michigan… this Fall. lol what?? Apparently he had been in conversations with Jesus that challenged him to be courageous in Spirit and ask me to come be a part of his community in Marquette. Now, normally this kind of conversation would raise red flags for some… I however, could sense in him a depth of relationship with God that was familiar to me. Part of that familiar depth had come about by the numerous situations and conversations I have had with God in the past year that challenged my willingness to abandon my cultural mindsets and expectations. I’ve been challenged to learn how to live outside of right vs. wrong, culturally appropriate vs. not, and instead living from a realm that is based more on choosing what brings true Life vs. what causes death in spirit. So when Benny shared this invitation, I recognized his self-abandoned pursuit of Jesus and I had peace about letting God speak to me about the invitation.
Now, I got home to Canada and allowed myself a few days to adjust before even asking God what He thought about Benny. I wanted to take it slow. However Benny was apparently losing his marbles and couldn’t wait the 10 days he said he would give me to pray about things, and he called me within just a few days. He wanted to re-invite me. This time with more boldness and clarity about his intentions. He wanted to pursue me, and had given God permission to use his whole heart to do so regardless of the direction things went. He also gave me permission not to respond to him right away but to simply give him grace while he walked this out. Well, grace was something I was learning to live for so it was my pleasure to give it.
Over the next 2 weeks I remained pretty quiet in conversation as Benny called a few times to share more of his heart. He shared in detail his life story, struggles and victories, and more details about who God says I am. Not once did i feel obligated to reciprocate any of these things. Even though God was telling him many things about my heart, I remained somewhat of a mystery to him for a while. But again that didnt stop him from opening his entire heart to me. At one point I realised all that I had to give Benny in response was a ‘blank piece of paper’ that I was patiently waiting for God to write on. The timing of His writing didn’t really matter, we both trusted that His timing and what He had to say to me would be good and in the meantime I was consumed with peace, joy and an observant spirit that kept drawing me towards Benny. It was also that peace that made me confident in my decision to visit Benny in Marquette a couple weeks later on my way out west to Winnipeg.
My visit… hands down, the best 9 days of my life! more on that next…
