Typical day on the race
The Moment I wanted to be like them
I had been going to youth group mostly to hear Nick play and to get away from home. I wanted God but at the same time I wanted nothing to do with him. After all, he put me in this place! He made my house this way, he trapped me there! He took my Grandma and my Aunt and my uncles. He was taking everyone and leaving me here alone. (I might have been just a little dramatic as a teenager) My mind was in a constant state of back and forth with whom God was, whether I wanted him or not, and whether he loved ME.
Rough day at the orphanage
Sometimes I was really moved at youth group. I would cry and I would silently pray to God. In anger I would ask him why. I would ask him “why” about everything I could possibly think of and he would give me answers but I would say “no, that’s not him. That’s me trying to comfort myself.” I remember thinking at times how stupid all these people at church were for acting the way they did.
My new friends at youth group were always so excited. They had a FIRE inside of them. When they sang to God they were happy. They would dance and jump and cry. Nothing in the whole world mattered but being there in that moment in the presence of God. One night, while I was standing at my seat, unemotionally singing the words to some worship song, it hit me like never before. I wanted that!
Singing worship songs with the children in the village Friday
I wanted to be that joyful. I wanted to fearlessly jump and dance and be happy despite everything that was going on. I didn’t kneel down and say the sinner’s prayer or immediately start dancing and praising but that is the moment I whole heartedly decided that I wanted what they had. At that time, I wouldn’t have been able to explain what “THAT” was but I know now that “THAT” was the light of God and my decision was a prompting from the Holy Spirit.
Gradually, I started reading my bible more. It became my life, when the tornado was going on at home I would hide in my bed or the closet reading. When I was at church I started taking notes. Without even knowing it I had joy flowing from me. Youth group became more than a free concert. It became a time I desired because I knew I would be spending it in the presence of God. I started joining my friends in there jumping and dancing and singing and even, if only for those moments, chains were broken and I was free and I was loved. Not only that but I knew without a doubt that it was Jesus who was giving me that joy.
200 cambodian children bowing their heads to pray at a church service we went to a few days ago
Eventually, I became the one at the front playing guitar and singing. I was the one looking silly, singing, and talking about God. Even though my joy didn’t transcend into my household it was a begining. It was the begining of my walk with the giver of life, the giver of joy, comfort, peace, protection, and so much more. It’s funny how the tables turn because now I look at the lives of those friends and several (not all) have strayed away from Jesus or turned away from him all together. It makes me sad to see that they don’t dance and sing and praise the Lord anymore but to this day I can vividly remember the night I wanted to be like them!
Church is out… GO TAKE JESUS TO THE WORLD
