Freedom is a word to describe this month. When we arrived to the community center in our small rural Swazi town our contact, Michael, showed us around. We live in rondoval huts with no electricity. The four guys in one and nine girls in another, which is a tight squeeze, especially with six tents in the hut. The first night here was the worst sleeping night I have ever had. The next morning was filled with comparing the amount and location of mosquito bites, hence the tents.
Michael told us there is a school and a clinic in walking distance and that we could find out how to help there. He also gave us some manual labor things that needed to be done around the community center. That was two weeks ago and we haven’t seen him since. So freedom. We have freedom to find things to do and people to invest in. Kids swarm the community center most days, when it’s not unbearably hot or rainy, which has been fun.
Yesterday Amy, Sara, and I helped Primrose, the Swazi woman in charge of the community center we live at, with gardening. They sell small grown plants to vegetable farmers to plant.
Whenever I garden it seems like I always relate it to something spiritual. In college my roommate, Lauren, and I weeded the garden bed in front of our house a couple times. One hot Saturday afternoon while weeding we had a long discussion about how much weeds are like sin. They are small at first but then multiply until they take over and choke out what is good.
As I helped plant maringa trees I thought about how it was such a metaphor to what God has been doing in my life recently. We helped her uproot plants that had grown into small plants from seeds and replanted them in planting bags. We could have kept the plants in the planting pots they were growing in but in the planting bags their roots are able to go much deeper.
Lately God has been scraping away the lies, the weeds around me, that I believe about myself. The lie that I am prideful. The lie that I am too aggressive to be desirable. The lie that my strength is founded in being unaffected by others. The lie that I have to guard my own heart.
He has uprooted me from what I thought I knew for so long. I thought I have let him guard my heart. I thought I love myself well. I thought I am always intentional, vulnerable, and transparent. I was wrong. In bringing these lies and false perceptions to the surface and ridding me of them, the old soil has been removed.
Know I am in a time of full exposure. My feelings have never been exposed and voices like they have in the past two weeks. I feel naked in front of my team sharing and accepting my present emotions and the work that God is doing in my heart. I have not experienced as much pain or hurt as I have in past two weeks, but it’s so good!
It’s so freeing to finally feel, to express and give voice to my emotions. With every hurt the Father is shedding more of who I was and preparing me to be planted in new soil. He’s preparing me for a more intimate walk with Him, where my roots can grow much deeper. I am beginning to experience His presence more and to a deeper level.
As a plant out of soil I am weak and defenseless. In this time I can do nothing but depend on Him for strength and protection. Although I get hurt and feel disappointed He is showing me how to forgive and give grace.
I am learning to listen to His voice and what it looks like to be fully rooted and grounded in Him. I’m solidifying my identity as a Daughter of the King and nothing else. He’s giving me opportunities and situations to live this out. It’s tough and I haven’t figured it out yet, but He is so patient with me.
Soon I will be blossoming in new soil, radiating the Son and the new work He has done deep within me, down to the roots. For now I am learning to be exposed, naked before my team, a time of seeking out who Angela Ketcham truly is and who she’s created to be.
