This is a journal entry I wrote a few days ago and I thought I would share it because it's about how I am handling things on the race.
3.10.11
I am stuck in this brokenness and I don’t know what to do. Sadness clings to me, but I don’t know why. I can’t do this on my own, I am not strong enough. Lord, here I am crying out to you to rescue me once again. I know I haven’t been the greatest servant. There are no excuses. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am at the end of my rope. I know that this is not what you have destined for me. Show me what to do. Take my hand and lead me from this desert that I have been wandering.
Are you holding me in your arms? Here I am at your feet trying to breathe in more of you, but I am shaking and my breaths are unsure. Hold me close and never let me go. Whisper in my ear and wipe the tears from my eyes. Somehow I know this is where I am supposed to be even though I am unsure of where I am because I am caught in your comforting grace. I am lost and I think I am drowning in the vastness of your grace. This is exactly where you want me isn’t it? Completely lost in you not knowing which way is up or down. This is where I must be.
However I know that I have clung onto things that are not of you, but pry them from my grasp. I want only you. You are all I need. Give me patience because most times I am too eager to see the next thing or do the next thing and I forget to wait on you. Keep me from doing more harm to myself. Stop me from moving too fast. Oh, Lord how long must I wait. Even now I am ready for the next thing, but I question myself asking am I really ready? Calm my anxious nerves father. My body is a temple for the Lord and anxiety, fear, judgement, sadness, anger, and doubt you have no place here. I cast you out in Jesus’ name. I cancell all curses in my life with the power and authority given to me by Jesus Christ. I lay down burdens that I have picked up and taken on at the feet of Jesus. I am free from all guilt and shame. The King of the universe calls me daughter, princess, beloved, and dear one. I am adopted into the royal family. My name is written in the book of life. My future is assured. I am more than a conqueror because I was loved first and now live in victory. This is who I am and sin holds no power over me. I am free because I was bought, paid for, and washed clean by the blood.
Right now my soul feels lighter. Arise in me and make me shine. Let your name be glorified. Let you peace rain down. Let your love arise like the flood and sweep me away. Let your joy echo off the sides of the mountains and let the sound linger for all eternity. Your grace covers us like a blanket of stars under the night sky. Your glory would be heard throughout lands because we will never stop singing your praises. You hide us from those who intend to do us harm just like you watch over us like sheep.
Thank you Father.
