World Race Training Camp has been 11 of the most exhausting, stretching and life giving days of my entire life. Over this time I’ve struggled with doubt, and seen God affirm, I’ve felt weak, and seen God give me the strength, I’ve reopened old wounds and seen God provide healing, but the most beautiful thing I’ve found is freedom. Freedom to love, to forgive, to serve, to humble myself, to rest, to fight, and to persevere.
My motto for Training Camp has been the verse: “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36). For as long as I can remember in my life, I have held myself up to an almost impossible standard, trying to put on the image of perfection by reaching these places of self-actualization, and tying my identity to my success or my failure.
This carried over into my life as a Christian, accepting that Jesus died for my sins, and yet still feeling that I needed to meet some expectation of what it means to be a Christian, trying to eradicate all sin from my life. My worth was tied to where I thought my Christian walk was, if I had been doing well for a while, then I felt good, but in times of sin, I felt shame, like I wasn’t good enough for God. It’s sad, because in this, I missed the entire gospel, and I kept trying to belittle The Cross, but fortunately The Lord had gone before me, and was waiting to rock me at Training Camp.
One of the first conversations I had contained words that would guide my journey there, “You need to forgive yourself”. I analyzed that sentence for a long time, and I recognized I hadn’t come close to forgiving myself. I was still wallowing in where I thought I should be, and feeling shame for coming up short.
God really spoke into those feelings of inadequacy this week, asking me to give myself grace and forgiveness in places he had forgiven long ago. He kept telling me how loved I was in those places, and that there was no need to hide them from Him. He spoke clearly and told me that His son did not need to feel shame because I am exactly the man He planned for me to be at this point.
I was liberated! Finally, I was set free from trying to be good enough for God, I like so many other Christians got stuck in this process of shame that led me to think that God couldn’t use me like I was. But Romans 5:20 says that “Where sin increased Grace abounded all the more”. If you are a Christian you are clean before God, His Grace is sufficient, and His grace enables us to walk without a fear that we might lose our salvation. The Son set us free and we are free indeed!
But God didn’t set us free to just give us a chance at heaven, but so we could be a light to the world, a city on a hill, called to change the places we live in! God’s perfect love has driven fear out of my life, and I’m ready to change the world, both in the month and a half I have left back home, and the eleven months I’ll spend out on the field, knowing that without Christ I couldn’t, but empowered by the Spirit I can. And I want to challenge everyone following my blog to do the same.
So here is my call to Christians, forgive yourself, live in the freedom that Christ pours out, experience His love, let Him use you to change the world you live in, and watch as he changes you in the process. I am so excited for the work God is going to do through all of you guys and that y’all will be able to be a part of the work he will do through me on this trip.
I love you all so dearly.
God bless,
Andy
