“You are a sword!” Those are the words or similar to the words that I kept getting spoken to from multiple people at training camp this past week. I have repeated those words in my head every day since. And I will carry those words not only with me this next year, but for the years to come.
Now let me backtrack just a little bit. If you have kept up with my previous blogs prior to training camp, you will remember that I talked about feeling that God was going to bring something to the surface at training camp that was not going to be easy. Well, I was right, by night 2, God got to me. He broke me and freed me all in the same night.
Now this is where writing gets tough. I’ve typed and erased a couple times already, but I feel God is calling me to share this and be vulnerable about my struggles and His overpowering freedom. What I am about to share with y’all, I have only ever shared with a very small group of people, never an audience. I was always ashamed of it, so much so that I don’t believe I ever asked for prayer specifically for it until this past week at training.
Here it is: Ever since the start of my teenage years all the way through college and into my post college life, I have struggled mightily with lust and masturbation. So much of my life I didn’t even try to resist it, always justifying it. My middle school and high school days I let the devil win every single time and did not even feel guilty about it. Early on in college, due to some very unforeseen circumstances, I fell into a very dark place for a few months. After God brought me through that dark place, He started instilling in me a passion for Him that I had never before had. In those next few years to come, I began turning more and more things over to Him, with a burning desire to grow closer and closer to Him every day. I grew in so many ways. On this journey to grow closer to Him I began fighting my struggle of lust and masturbation. There were times I was really good at fighting the devil and there were times it was many battles lost.
This past year, I would say that I have never been closer to God than I have in my entire life, and it’s my desire to continue in that growth on a daily basis. And I knew for me to take a huge leap in that direction, I needed to overcome that constant struggle of lust and masturbation that battled within me. This past year, it has been like a constant MMA fight within. I won the rounds 80% of the time and lost 20% of the time. It was always so discouraging and guilt tripping when I lost the round. Knowing I could have done better, but I chose not to.
Well I believe it was around night 2, as worship was playing, we were asked that if we were struggling with something and needed prayer, to stand up and one of our leaders would come pray specifically for what we asked for. Well I stood up, and one of my squad leaders found me, and for the very first time in my life, I specifically asked someone for prayer for that specific struggle and constant battle within. It was at that moment, after he got done praying for me, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and felt like a free man. That the devil better go home, because he is not going to win a single round in that struggle anymore. Now let me tell y’all, there is power in the name of Jesus and it is the most beautiful thing ever.
The next morning during worship, the same guy that prayed freedom over me the night before came up to me and told me he had a vision of me. He said he had a vision of me being a sword. Not wielding a sword, but an actual sword itself. That the devil and his evil schemes stand no chance. That I will slice right through the devil. Then later that night during worship, I went around and prayed with and for each of the men on my squad. During prayer with one of those men, when he was praying over me, he mentioned me being a sword and cutting down what the devil throws my way. I was absolutely blown away by what God was doing and saying to me through other people. And that is why every day since, I have spoken the words “I am a sword” to myself as a reminder of what God did in me and what I can accomplish over the devil.
Now am I saying that I am freed from the temptation of those desires of my flesh? Most definitely not! Matter of fact, there is a good chance it’s going to be continued battle. But what I am saying, is that as of training camp I have been freed from giving into that temptation. And have the confidence and full desire to cut right through it.
1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
Romans 8:37 “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”
There is so much more that I could write about on how I experienced God in new and beautiful ways this past week. I would love to share those experiences with you if you are interested.
Thanks for taking the time to allow me to be vulnerable with y’all!
Love,
Andrew
