What in the world did I get myself into? That is a question I often ask myself since saying “yes” to God calling me over-seas for 11 months. And in the midst of asking myself that question, I am usually running through all kinds of emotions such as fear, doubt, anxiety, excitement, joy, peace, and more. And every time I ask that question, “What in the world did I get myself into?” I always end up having the same answer, and that answer is that I really don’t know what I’ve got myself into, but God does; and that right there is enough for me.
In Isaiah 55:8-9 God gives us this promise in which He says: “8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” And I have really had to hold on to that promise when I have all these feelings of fear, doubt, and anxiety.
And speaking of anxiety, it’s a whole new emotion for me, as up to the time before I said “yes” to God and this trip, i’ve never experienced it before. In those first couple weeks after saying yes to God, I started becoming extremely anxious about the trip, about all the financial support I have to raise, about saying goodbye to the city and people in it that I love, to friends and family back home, not seeing my little sisters for a year and many more things. I was very restless and really didn’t know how to deal with it all as this was all new to me and I didn’t like it all. Thankfully, God knows what we are going through and knows exactly what we need at the perfect time we need it. And through some friends and family, He revealed a couple pieces of scripture to me that i’ve known for a very long time, but was so caught up in my anxiety that I wasn’t applying it to my life. Those scripture are: Philippians 4:6-7 and 1 Peter 5:7
“6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7
“7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7
And you know something? When I started taking those scripture to heart and truly casting those anxieties to God, He started bring peace to those feelings that I had that I really didn’t know how to handle, and I’m thankful for that.
The second thing God has been teaching both scares and excites me for what is to come. A few weeks ago, I really started praying specifically that God start preparing my heart for this new season and adventure that I am about to embark on. And let me tell you, He did not hesitate to start preparing my heart in a way I was not really a big fan of at first. As soon as I asked Him to start preparing my heart, I started getting choked up and emotional about things i’ve never got choked up and emotional about before. And i’m not going to lie, it started to freak me out a little bit. Like what is wrong with me? I didn’t like it at all and tried to suppress it as much as I could. But deep down inside, I know that this is part of what God is preparing my heart for things that I do not yet know. And because I know that, I am slowly starting to learn to fully embrace the tears and emotions that come along with that. And don’t get me wrong, it’s still kind of scary, but that is overpowered by the excitement that God continuing to mold me and going to show me some new things in the months to come.
Every blog I post I hope to end with prayer requests and so here are a few things I would appreciate your prayers for.
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That God would continue to prepare my heart in many ways for this new season that is upon me.
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That I would not let doubt creep into my support raising efforts, as it’s a lot of money to raise in a short amount of time. And just that God would provide.
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Prayers for my team and the journey that God has each one of us on.
Side Note: This is my first ever official blog post; any tips to better blog would be appreciated.
