I get asked the question, “What have you learned on the Race so far?” quite often, and I’m not going to lie, it usually annoys me. It’s so hard to explain to people back home about the stuff we encounter and the things we go through, and often times I just don’t even know how to answer it because I’m still living life on the Race and haven’t had a chance to process it yet. So, even though this is a fair question and I’m glad it’s asked, it’s still a little frustrating to me.
But last month in Thailand, I began to process the question a little myself, and I think I stumbled upon one of many answers to that question. God has begun teaching me about true friendship. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve had true friends before the Race, you people know who you are (much love), but I don’t think it was until Thailand that I really started to understand the value of true friendship and the impact it has on our lives.
I have met a lot of great friends here on the Race and I’m so thankful that I’m on S-squad, but there are a few friends that I have here that I’m almost certain I will stay family with forever. Zack Vanderwall, Clay Holst, Kate Goeler, Mike Bergey, Ashley Minkle, Nathan Landry, just to name the first ones that come to mind. These people mean so much to me, and it was through them that God began teaching me about true love and what it looks like to fight for a friendship.
My thinking on this started in Pattaya, Thailand at the beginning of November when we were at debrief. We had rented motorcycles for the day (if you tell my mom I’ll hunt you down) and were coming back into the city during rush hour to get ready for dinner. Kate was my passenger, and we got into an argument on the way back because she had to pee and I wasn’t getting her back fast enough. She said something, and in true brotherly form I snapped back at her. “Great, this is going to be a fun night” is what was going through my head. Less than an hour later, Kate is beside me apologizing for “disrespecting” me as her brother. What? What kind of woman does that? And to make it even crazier there was no hint from her at all that she needed me to apologize in order for everything to be right with her so she could move on. It was 100%, unconditional friendship. It was “hey you pissed me off earlier (and I probably make her mad a lot) but because I love you, we’re gonna fight for this.” And then the next day, Kate, Ashley, Zack, Nate, Derrick continued to show me what it looked like to be there for people, even when doing so is no benefit to you. Totally sacrificing your wants for the good of others.
That night, I had a fever and was so cold, hot, and achy all at the same time that I couldn’t sleep. The next morning, Kate gave up most of her free day (and we don’t get a whole lot) to take me to the hospital and sit with my moaning self. Ashley took her time to go and pay a bill that we were supposed to pay at a hotel. Ross booked things for people that we were both supposed to take care of. Derrick took me back to the hospital so I could find out that I had a bacterial infection and get my meds, and Ashley and Kate came to find us at the hospital to make sure everything was good. What? Who does all this? And that night was one of the most miserable nights of my life. My fever and aches were so bad I could barely stand up or walk. Ashley went on 2 different runs to get me food, and Nate walked me back to the hospital, which was closed. Then, in probably one of the most humbling nights of my life, these people spent the next couple of hours showering me (yeah, Nate literally had to shower me) and moving my bed around and getting me fluids so that I could make it through the night. People gave up their blankets, Zack woke up every couple of hours to make sure I wasn’t dying, and I could go on and on and on. But they told us to limit how long these blogs were. So that was just an example, and I have many, of how our friends have been there for each other on the race, and God is using these people to teach my selfish self what it really looks like to stand with people when there is no benefit to me at all and to love them.
So does this mean that our friendships are perfect and the Race has sanctified us so much that we have perfect love for one another no matter what, and nothing ever goes wrong with us? Heeeccccckk naw.
If anything the Race has taught me (hopefully others to) that we all suck and we are never going to live up to each other’s expectations for each other, and THE ONLY WAY to maintain a TRUE, BLOSSOMING, LIVELY FRIENDSHIP is to be vulnerable and graceful with one another, realizing that we are all fallen creatures and only by the Grace of Jesus are we anything good at all. Once we realize this truth, it is so much easier (though still difficult, because we can be bad people sometimes) to have grace for one another and to love each other and work through the grime and the mud and the hard times that automatically come with relationships.
Here are just a few examples. When we were in Nicaragua at the beach, Zack noticed that I was in a foul mood over something, and instead of just thrusting it aside and avoiding the issue, he loved me enough to get deep and not take my bs answers and let it go. He loved me enough to pursue me even though I was at fault and he clearly could have let it go and been completely justified. You think we were closer after that? You think it’s easier to be real after that? Absolutely.
Another, this month in Thailand, I worked closely with our finance person, Ashley (who happens to be another one of my close friends on the squad) because of debrief and travel and such. I had to send her an email one day that was literally entitled “I’m sorry for being an a-hole”, because I had acted like a jerk to her that morning because of other things that had frustrated me. So you know what we did? We took the time to talk about our frustrations and ended up sending like 30 apology emails to each other. Ridiculous, I know. But you get the point. You think we’re closer now? Absolutely.
Last one, and this is where I want to get my point across. Last week in Thailand, we were going rock climbing in Chiang Mai. It was me, Kate, Zack, Ash, and Jonathan. When we got to the place, we found it closed, so started walking away, when I noticed a passed out drunk down the road getting the mess beat out of him. Literally. 2 guys were throwing bricks at him and kicking him in the head and ribs. I was FURIOUS. So immediately I ran over without even thinking about the people in my group or how I was putting them in danger. It was just not a good situation. Eventually, Zack got my stubborn self to leave, and we all walked back with me pouting and angry the whole time because I felt guilty that I had let the guy get beat within an inch of his life and kind of mad at the others because I felt like I got left hanging and they should have helped. So on the way back, Ashley suggests that we all go to Starbucks (yeah, it hurt) and talk about it. My first instinct is to say no and hold a grudge. It’s just easier. But they were having none of it. We talked for over an hour and I began to see clearly all sides of the situation and the potential danger that I had put the girls in and the hard spot I had put Zack in by forcing him to choose between protecting them and helping me. Well, that’s humbling. And you know what? After an hour we left with more joy and peace than when we went. Only because I have friends that have the guts to reach down and pull people out of the mud instead of just ditching them when something doesn’t go their way.
A true friend sees you in your joy and the good times and celebrates with you and loves to see you succeed. But a true friend also loves you enough to see you at your worst and say “yeah, I know. You’ve got issues. But I still love you.”. And I’m convinced this is what sets Jesus lovers apart from other communities. Because Jesus looked at us in our filth and grime and said “I love you”, that enables us to do the same with others. It empowers us to walk WITH people through tough times, and not just fix them or walk away, too much easier, yet fruitless things. True friendship bears the fruit of intimacy, peace, and joy between friends. And true love leads to true friendship, which enables to give up ourselves for our friends.
1 John 4:18- “there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…”
Much love
Chambeezy
