“The Gospel says that we are more wicked than we ever dared believe, but more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope”- Timothy Keller
I’m going to be quite candid here (all the people that have been to Puerta de Zion say ‘amen’), i’m more than a little nervous while writing this. And that’s because I think i’m finally figuring out the answer to the question that i’ve gotten most often about my race: What have you learned? Or how are you growing? And it isn’t in the way that I was expecting. Because you see, the thing that i’ve figured out is that WE ARE ALL LYING. And not only lying, but LIARS BY NATURE, AND EXTREMELY MESSED UP.
But what is the lie? How can I say that? THE LIE IS THIS: “I’M OK”, “I’VE GOT MY LIFE TOGETHER”, “I’M A GOOD PERSON”. And i’ve never seen this more clearly than on the race. As an old pastor of mine would say, “stay with me, i’m coming to your neighborhood.”
It was last wednesday here in the Philippines, and some of our guys were in the store front that Kids International Ministries had purchased for housing teams and doing an education program for the kids. The building is TINY, with our space being about 15×60, shotgun style. The guys were building rooms with the help of some of the street kids we have been working with, one of whom’s name is Algemier. Earlier in the day, Algemier, who is an incredibly smart Muslim kid and only on the streets because his adoptive parents beat him, had punched a kid named B-Boi square in the face because B-Boi was talking smack to him. So now, later in the afternoon, B-Boi, who is high on a glue-based drug that they call Rugby here, is standing outside the bars of our window saying “kill Algemier. Kill Algemier.” Over and over again. And it doesn’t stop there. The trouble he is causing goes into the evening.
So what was my first, Christ-like, loving reaction to these events? “What is wrong with this kid? B-Boi is such a punk. I’m going to hurt him if he touches Algemier. He doesn’t even deserve our help. He needs discipline. Somebody to put him in his place.” And to be honest, all of this might be true. But let’s look at my life later that night.
We’re having yet another group meeting for MANistry month. My reaction? “I’m tired of these things. Why we gotta do these all the time? I’m just gonna shut down.” Before this, the food came, and i’m acting like if I don’t get my plate first and put as much food on it as possible than i’m never going to eat again. And then there are some guys in our group that make stupid comments a lot (as if I don’t), so what is our reaction to them? Ridicule, let’s make them feel stupid. Oh, and Filipino women are very attractive, so there is a good chance I was battling with lust that day.
Now this isn’t a “let me tell you all my sins blog”, but do you see my point here? What is the difference between me and B-Boi? Do these look like the actions of a “missionary”? And I don’t want to speak for them, but i’m going to go out on a limb and say that if you asked any of the guys here for MANistry month or any of our girls on our squad, if they were honest they would say that they would have these struggles on a daily basis as well. And you know what’s really crazy? THE BIBLE SAID THIS WOULD HAPPEN. Jesus- “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick..For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” Paul, in apparent anguish- “What a wretched man that I am!! Who will deliver me from this body of sin and death?! Thanks be to GOD, JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD!”
So if Jesus said that He came for the sinners, those that acknowledged that they couldn’t do it, that they didn’t have it all together, THAN WHY THE HELL DO I ACT LIKE I DO?! Because if so, THAN I AM LYING. And if you do, THAN YOU ARE LYING. The most mature Christians i’ve met are not the ones who follow the rules better than most or do more than most in missions, heck I used to think I was that guy. No, the most mature Christians i’ve met were the ones who were willing to admit, “no, I don’t have it altogether, i’m a mess, BUT THANKS BE TO GOD THAT I DON’T HAVE IT ALTOGETHER, because JESUS DOES! AND GOD SEES ME THROUGH THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF JESUS!”
And I had “learned” all of this mentally before the race. I was in a Tuesday morning d-group and BJ would always tell us about the villain in us that Jesus saves and how that applies to the way we view others. I’ve seen that Tim Keller quote at least a 1000x. And one of my mentors, Braxton Brady, always talked to me how behavior changes didn’t matter, it was only a heart change. And the church that I became a member of, Christ City Church in Midtown Memphis, faithfully preached every Sunday how we are all sinners and our righteousness comes from Jesus alone. Faithfully, every Sunday.
But it wasn’t until I came on the race that I really understood this- “The Gospel says that we are more wicked than we ever dared believe, but more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope”. It wasn’t until I was in Honduras, and Tony at Puerta de Zion said, “look, you are going to be seeing every part of our ministry. The good, the bad, the ugly. We don’t hide the fact that we don’t have it altogether” and then I saw this thing lived out over the whole month, this thing where we love hard and make mistakes, but rest in the grace of Jesus, that I truly understood. Or when our contacts in Nicaragua, Lisa and Cadence at Newsong (who were awesome by the way and loved their neighborhood harder than anyone i’ve ever seen) told us about how they argue during the day sometimes, or sometimes in the morning one will say “sorry I was a butthole last night” and ask for forgiveness. Or when we as racers are living in close quarters, and we are often selfish or even snap at one another, mostly on a daily basis. This is when I truly realized that MY SIN AND OUR SIN IS A REAL THING AND THIS MAKES THE GRACE OF JESUS EVEN BIGGER. Jesus didn’t die for good people. He died for the broken and sick. So let’s stop acting like we have it altogether, because this makes us liars who belittle the Glory of Our Savior.
Much love
Chambeezy
(side note, i’ve been reading Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning since the beginning of the race, and listening to podcasts from Christ City Church, and these have been instrumental in my walk through this. Check em out)
