BROKEN

I tend to have a “don’t think, just goâ€� attitude so these blogs are healthy for me to write since they force me to slow down and reflect on everything that is happening in my life.  Honestly, when I first heard that we would have blogs, I wasn’t very excited: I was looking forward to getting away from my computer for a year and I didn’t think I’d have anything to write about anyways.  However, I felt God urging me to simply “tell my story.â€�  So that’s all I have been trying to do over these past 5 months; share my experience as accurately as possible.

I tend to buy a new hat every country to hide the mop of hair I’ve grown

I’ve shared several stories lately of ways God has used us to bring His Kingdom in powerful ways onto this earth…stories, which would have caused me to doubt prior to this trip and ways I wasn’t sure I’d ever be used in, although I had hoped!

But I want to be completely honest with people reading my blog rather than just highlighting all of the action scenes from my experience on The World Race.  It is not always an easy or comfortable task following Jesus.  He has led me to live in a very raw environment; one in which honest feedback and communication is promoted.  Where personal struggles become team struggles and squad struggles.  We constantly have other people in our lives to see us at our best and at our worst.  And comparing ourselves to others seems to get highlighted when living this close with each other.  This list could go on and on…

Safari Day with The Q Squad

This past week has been one of the hardest weeks of the race for me.  It’s hard to point out exactly why and I wouldn’t want to bore you with pages of my personal struggles, emotions, and feelings, although I probably could fill that many pages.  I was brought to a place of brokenness and loneliness where all I could do was get on my knees and cry out to God.  I had tried all the Christian “tricksâ€� I knew to make myself feel better…but nothing seemed to be working.

This was where God met me, yet not how I was expecting.  I usually try to work things out myself and with my God first, but I felt Him pushing me to open up to others this time.  I have been more and more vulnerable since starting the race, but I never truly looked at community as a weapon.  I’ve realized more and more how much the devil tries to keep us silent and alone, pushing us into isolation to deal with our struggles by our self.  So this is what I did…I started sharing, with specific people on my squad, what was really going on in my life, in the secret place of my life which most people don’t usually know.  The results were profound; the heaviness I was feeling left and I soon realized that the “huge problemâ€� I thought I had, wasn’t really all that big or different from what other people are going through.

28 hour bus ride from Nairobi, Kenya to Kigali, Rwanda

God had revealed to me, once again, the power of community and the reasons behind why I am going through this crazy process called The World Race.  I am being exposed and it often hurts, but I have full confidence that God is refining me to look more and more like His Son!  I’m not exactly sure why I wrote this, I just sat down and began to process my crazy week and began to realize how blessed I am to have such amazing people constantly surrounding me.  Someone recently told me that this experience on The World Race, as well as my position of leadership, is a gift.  This made me think and I realized that she was right.  God loves me so much that He has given me this experience as a gift…one which is transforming me daily!