At the end of August through the beginning of September we were able to spend a week in Dublin, Ireland for our debrief and The Awakening. This was a good time of being poured into and resting, which was much needed after three full months in Africa pouring ourselves out.
During Tuesday morning worship someone said that they felt that we should pray for people who needed vision. Whether it was for vision for the future or for physical vision. We were told to raise our hand if we needed this prayer and if we didn’t have a hand up then we should go to someone who did and pray for them. I put my hand in the air and many of my squad mates came and surrounded me and prayed for me. This was an awesome moment for me. I am not sure how many of my friends were there praying passionately that the Lord would bring healing to my eyes, but I know there were many and to see that outpouring of love brought me to tears, something I am not often brought to. At this moment God showed me how much love and trust I should be able to put in those around me. He gave me a tangible moment to see that love and trust (not that I hadn’t seen it before but for some reason this moment hit me more than others have). He asked me why I didn’t feel like I could trust these people. Obviously they loved me and wanted what was best for me. What was I holding back for? I think at this moment I finally chose to let my guard down and to really love and trust those around me.
This fantastic moment was followed by one of frustration. After the many prayers prayed over me I opened my eyes and I saw what I always see. Nothing looked different than it did when I had closed my eyes. I had grown tired of this being the case. I began to ask God why. Why do we pray all the time in large groups for the healing of my eyes and nothing ever happens? Why do my teammates and many others pray every single day without fail for my eyes to be healed and nothing changes? Am I not believing enough that you can heal me? Do we not have enough faith? What are we doing wrong and why do I still have imperfect vision? I’m tired of praying with no real results occurring.
I stayed in this frustration for most of the rest of the day. That afternoon I had a meeting with Rozy just to sit down and talk and she helped to shine some wisdom on the situation for me.
