I’ve run out of reasons not to do this Your way… Cuz all along it was You there guiding my way. -LastWatch
To all of my supporters, whether in prayer, thoughts, finances, comments, donations, love, or your friendship, thank you. I could NOT have done this without you. There’s no way. I also wanted to apologize. I’m sorry for not posting more pictures, stories, testimonies, or anything else past what I did. I am so thankful for the grace you’ve extended me thus far for this.
These eleven months were incredible! Though I left the states a religious Christian full of self-condemnation and shame, I returned as a bold daughter of the Most High King. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been His daughter. Yet, it wasn’t until this journey that I finally made the choice to believe it. God used this trip to mend me, break me, refine me, restore me, and recreate me. I don’t even know if that makes sense out loud, but it does in my heart.
I definitely didn’t appreciate this time on the field as I should have, but it was truly a gift from God. I saw His beloved children both hunger and be fed. I saw His cherished daughters be sold to men but I also saw them be bought by the blood of Christ. I saw idolatry that wasn’t hidden behind shadows like we do here in the states. I saw the least of these give everything in faith and truth that God is their provider. I saw abandoned children, widowed women, beaten down men, and so many other bad things, but God still uses it all for good. I witnessed that first hand. God is sovereign, but He is good. I had never realized how much of a battle we really do fight. I praise God that my eyes have been opened because now I know to fight and have won the battle against a victim mentality.
Guys and gals, The Lord is so good. I have so many stories I would love to share them all with you, and maybe someday I’ll write them all down. For now I’d love to set up coffee dates, Skype dates, or email exchanges! I want to know what’s going on in your life, too! Just like me, you have stories to tell and I want to hear them. I’ll be in Ohio for a while so if you’re in the area: let’s meet up 🙂
Now to tell you what’s going on next. This past month and a half I’ve been resting, reflecting, and processing what actually happened this year. I’m still not done, but honestly, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be done. Back in my “I’m going to school!” blog, I informed you all that I was applying to school in Chicago in pursuit of a ministry degree. By the grackle and wonderfulness of God: I was accepted and set to start this fall. I went to Project Searchlight the last week of June with full intentions of going to Moody, and up until last week that was the plan.
After back to back student loan denials, I found myself crying last Monday night on realization that going to Moody wasn’t going to happen after all. I was not financially ready and I needed to stay home. I messages two friends that night to pray for clear direction and started telling my best friends and family as the week went by. Every time I told someone else the news I was choking back tears because of the reality I was hoping was just a dream. I’m not going to Moody this fall after all.
I began to feel like a failure as the reality settled in. I asked God what did I do wrong and I started beating myself up (emotionally of course). If I was a better Christian, the kind of Christian I should be after doing an 11 month mission trip to 11 countries, then maybe God would answer me, provide for me, and be proud of me. Because, you know, God’s love, grace, and provision are based on MY actions. Pshh.
I did wonder why God would open the door just to close it. Why would I get into a school where only 20% of applicants get in if I wasn’t going to go? Why would crazy “confirmations” happen if a God knew it wasn’t in His plan to let me actually attend MBI? Why is my heart in Chicago with my family, the broken, and lost?
As my questions flowed through my brain, His peace stilled my heart. It was a peace that surpassed all understanding and one I haven’t felt in a long time.in that moment I realized that it’s times like this I have to make a choice: am I willing to believe and only hold on to the core promises God has made me? Even if it doesn’t make sense. Even if all the proof in the world backs up my plan. Am I willing to lay that down so I can give myself up to Him? Am I really ready to lay down my Isaac? More importantly, am I willing to lay it all down even if I don’t feel ready? Moody is my Isaac right now. Lately I’ve felt God calling me to pray for myself to have humility and courage, but I never thought I’d gain humility and courage through laying Moody down.
So what am I doing then? I’m going back to a place I never thought I would go again: corporate America. And honestly, I’m kind of scared. God has given me a passionate personality and has made me bold and unashamed of the Gospel; unfortunately that’s not typically welcomed in the corporate world. BUT. I believe my God will help me, stretch me, humble me, and love me through this season just like He’s done before and just like He will again until the end of forever.
If I could ask you all to pray for me in this time, I would love that. On the race, I learned how to dream and pray big prayers. I learned how to be content and affirmed by the Spirit. I learned that if I rely on God and God alone I won’t ever go wrong. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose my dependency on Him. Jesus is so beautiful and good; I never want to forget that. I want to make wise choices as I truly begin to walk into adulthood and I want to obey The Lord no matter the cost.
Seriously guys and gals, I love you. Thank you for joining and partnering with me on this journey. I’ll never be able to thank you enough.
Please be in the look out for my #11n11 videos that will be posted soon! There’s one for each country so I hope you will enjoy them! 🙂
I love you. I pray God blesses you. And once again: thank you.
In His name,
Drea.
