“God, you want to what???
“Yes, daughter, I want to heal you.”
After a 30-minute run with the squad, the side of my right leg started to painfully tighten up. It wasn’t so much pain to make any kind of deal out of it, and this pain wasn’t uncommon for me so I was going to toughen it out. “It’s nothing, it’ll be better soon. I just gotta walk it out.”
Then our lovely squad leader, Dura, says “okay, anyone with any pain or injury come to the middle! We believe in a God that heals and we’re going to pray for you.”
My first thoughts were “that’s for the people that are actually injured. That’s for so-and-so, not for me. My pain is small. My pain isn’t worth it. I’ll just help pray for people.”
What I was really telling myself though was “God doesn’t care that you’re only hurting a little bit, no body does. Your pain is miniscule and insignificant. You’re pain and you aren’t worth or good enough to be healed. You’re not worth being prayed for. You only worth anything if you’re the one ‘doing’ and not the one receiving”
Lies. Lies. Lies.
My pain was significant to God. It may not have been a broken bone, a previous injury, or any medical condition: but it did matter to Him. So He kept telling me “go get prayed for.”
So I walked to the middle of the circle. Every step I took to get there though I felt like I was being watched and questioned as if I was actually hurt. Satan wasn’t giving up.
As everyone started praying, two gals from the squad had their hands around my leg praying and pleading to God to heal me. And then I felt it.
Pain
So much pain
I felt like the side of my leg was being pushed through fire and the pain grew stronger and stronger.
I almost yelled: “stop praying! It hurts to much!”, but my mouth couldn’t say anything. I was literally only able to take deep breaths and cry.
The next thing shocked me though.
After a few moments of them praying, after feeling that awfully intense pain, the side of my leg felt brand new. The pain disappeared. Gone. Completely.
I was breathless.
I couldn’t believe it. I was physically healed. What?? That little tiny pain was gone? What???
No one on my squad knew how deep that pain was though. No one knew the battle that was going on in my mind. So after we finished praying, I gave my sisters each a hug, thanked them, and told them the pain was gone.
Like I said, it wasn’t that big of a pain, so it didn’t get that big of a celebration. Not on earth at least, and unfortunately that’s where my mind was focused on. I knew in my heart God had just healed it, but my human standards and mind kept going back to what this world says.
My mind raced with the thoughts of unworthiness again. I thought of every single possible way my leg could have been healed other than the supernatural. “maybe it was the heat from their hands, maybe I really did just need to wait, maybe I imagined the pain….”
Lies. Lies. Lies.
I knew in my heart God was the one who healed me, so I ran to Dura and told her I needed prayer for my doubting heart and mind and briefly explained my feelings of unworthiness. She calmly starts to pray for me and God immediately starts to move through her prayers. I feel so overwhelmed by His Spirit; I end up falling down and laughing with Joy in my heart. She rebuked the spirit of fear, doubt, and unworthiness and right then and there: God made me new.
At that moment I felt new throughout my whole body and not just my leg. It was so beautiful.
Since that was only on Monday, God used the rest of the week to pull out some junk that had settled inside of me from every place and is in the process of refining me. He really won’t relent until He has is all!!
The truths that were spoken over me as the week passed were truths that never would have stuck if God hadn’t healed me:
I am beautiful
I am worthy, but only through the blood of Christ
I am His daughter
I am loved
I am not stupid
I am not silly
I am out of my mind, but out of my mind for Christ
And even my smallest injury, whether physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, is important to Christ. My pain isn't too small. I’m number 1 in His book. The almighty God, the 3-in-one has made us #1 in His book because He loves us.
*mind blown*
Let’s see what God will heal next…. 😉 )
