Are we willing to accept the broken?
Are we willing to say “yes” to vulnerability? Not just to be vulnerable, but accept vulnerability, too?
We say treat others the way we want to be treated, but are we willing to reciprocate openness about brokenness, or does that mean we have to be broken, too?
I’m the type of girl who treats as she wants to be treated to an extent. If you’re rude to me, I definitely try to not treat you the same way haha. I typically try to reciprocate how I am treated (not in all circumstances though). One way I do is how open I am with people.
If you’ve ever talked to me or read any of my blogs, you’ll notice I’m not really shy about sharing who I am or what I think. I’ve learned that it’s okay to be vulnerable, but to be careful with it of course.
I’ve noticed though, are we okay with people being vulnerable? Are we okay with people sharing their stories? Do we run away from the broken because we’re afraid of being broken ourselves?
I’ve run away from brokenness before.
I was in Mexico this past February visiting my family. My brother-in-law, David, took my family and I to downtown Mexico City to shop, explore, and enjoy. I hadn’t been to Mexico in years so when I saw dozens, of homeless people and drug addicts within the first few minutes of getting there, I was shocked. I honestly don’t know why it surprised me so much; we all hear and see the news about Mexico being a drug slump and we’ve all told the jokes about how poor Mexico is. I’m not saying Mexico fits the stereotype we put it in sometimes, but I shouldn’t have been as shocked as I was. But I was. And my heart shattered.
There was one man in particular that was sitting a few feet away from me by the street. He was about as tall as me, really dark skin (both from the sun and from the dirt off the ground), about as long hair as I had at that time, old, and he was wearing really worn and torn, unclean clothes. Oh, and he was higher than the clouds. Liz (my sister) and David suspected heroin, I just knew he wasn’t okay,
I’ve never been the person who fears homeless people, but at that moment I just wanted to run away. I didn’t know if I was really scared I would get attacked, robbed, or anything in between. It wasn’t an intuition thing either; I honestly felt like that’s what I “should” do. It was like my brain was trained to run away from someone “like him”. As soon as I realized that’s what was going through my mind: I was instantly ashamed. Here I am, proclaiming myself a Christian, a servant of Christ and a lover of people. Yet I wanted to run away from the first person that came close to me and was in obvious need of someone to love him.
I wish I could say I received an amazing word of wisdom, got filled with courage, and was able to help him in some way, shape or form. But alas, my family and I left, me with tears streaming down my eyes, and praying for God to take care of Him.
I kept seeing this man throughout the city for the remaining few hours I was there. Every time I did, my heart raced, my stomach turned, and still: I did nothing. My prayer that I would say in my head was pathetic and not filled with love. Rather, it was filled with words I “should” say. Instead of praying for God to intervene: I let my own fears and shame blind me and the guy continued to roam. Maybe God didn’t want me to do anything. Maybe all God wanted me to do was pray. Either way, I didn’t let my heart be open to either option because I didn’t want to hear it.
You want to hear the worse part? I remember one of my thoughts being “I’m going on the world race, I’m GOING to be helping people like this everyday. I don’t need to do this now. This is my vacation. God will be with him with or without me.”
My heart was disgusting. It’s taken 3 months for me to accept that I should have prayed a real prayer for that guy; I shouldn’t use the race as an excuse to not be an evangelist and a disciple NOW. Seriously though, my heart is so ugly.
Now, before I go into a pity fest, I want to praise God! Even through my selfish heart: God is still good! He is merciful! He is full of grace! He is who He is because of Himself alone, not because of me or any of us in any way. Right now, I do want to pray for that guy right now.
Lord Jesus, please be with your son right now. Be with your child that needs you right now. Lord, please rise up hearts; hearts that are after you and that don’t get clouded by fear and shame. God you are bigger than all that. Please, outpour your love on Him. Take care of Him right now Lord. Send your angels to protect Him and lead Him to your unconditional love. Be with us, Lord. Be with us who use your name, but don’t know you. Please help us know you and love you every moment of every day and night. Let us seek you unconditionally and find You as You promised we would. Let us not put our mission in a box to be opened and closed in certain locations, moments, or environments. Help us give everything to you.
I do hope I get to see him again. This time, I won’t hold back, I’ll ask God what He wants me to do, and if He say pray: I’ll pray. If He says go, I’ll go. If He says cry: I’ll cry.
I don’t want the world race to be my first mission. I want my life to be my mission. I want to love people as they are now and where they are now.
If that means I have to carry my cross everyday, accept that I’m not perfect everyday and I survive off of grace: so be it.
Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to be a part of this journey. Help me be all Yours!
This blog was inspired by Hallelujah by T.I.
I started to listen to it, loved the lyrics, but instantly started judging his lifestyle and said it’s just a waste of words. But then I thought: so what if he’s not where I think he needs to be! That’s God’s job to judge! My job is to love and teach the word of God. You may disagree with me on this, but I don’t want to not-support because He’s not living the perfect Christian lifestyle. I proudly bought the song and pray that He comes to know the real Jesus in every way, but in God’s timing alone! I don’t know the dude, so who knows? Maybe He is walking with Jesus and His walk just looks differently than mine. Let’s stop hatin’ and let’s start lovin’, yes? : )
Haha. Alright guys and gals, until next time!
Au revoir!
