I am only who you say I am Lord!
I find one of the biggest cravings we have for this life is to really know who we are. We constantly question, wonder, make false identities out of ourselves. We forget that who we are has nothing to do with the label the world has stamped on us. High-school is a great example, you are known by what you do, what you where, and who you hang out with.
On Facebook status people speak out things about themselves, some good, some horrible. Some people right little things, I am strong, I am beautiful, especially women. And next to it will be a picture of them drunk or with little clothing. My spirit screams out to these things! You are ! You are! If only you believed it! If only you knew. So many people battle daily with identity, wondering if the words that have been spoken over them their whole life is true. And once in awhile you see this glimpse of yourself that doesn't line up with what the world says, and we think, no thats not me, and push it away.
In high-school I was wild, I was probably as rebellious as you could get. A lot of it started out as curiosity. A lot of it was for attention, and a lot of it was out of anger. I hung out with the “popular kids” I played sports, but I always felt something missing. I started partying hanging out with the “naughty kids” thinking that would fill it. I definitely enjoyed it more that sports but as I conjoined the two I never felt like i fit in. I had lots of friends, very social, but I still felt lonely inside. Nobody would ever guess this about me because I'm a very loud and excited person, but these things stirred in my spirit. All the while I was thinking, I just haven't met people who actually get me yet thats all. HA! and God was probably up their going, NO! You just haven't met me yet.
Our longing to be loved goes so much deeper than acceptance by people. Our spirits craves to be understood, to be filled, to be fed the truth of our inner souls. All the way from our favorite color, to what makes us enjoy life. And yes “I'm about to go all Jesus on you”!
In my walk with the lord at this point I feel like God has taken everything I have ever known about myself and put it through the paper shredder. Its scary, I kind of feel numb.
On the World Race your constantly around new people and very different kinds of people.Which is very wonderful but can be challenging.
We as humans tend to attach our identities to influence in our lives. Example, Im a very loud and excited person at times. I love to sing, dance, make up plays, and be strange. I was put on a more reserved team, which has never happened before. For a whole month I was quiet, tried not to annoy anybody, and just be “chill”. One night I just cracked, I just started crying and I was so over whelmed with NOT BEING ABLE TO BE ME! TO BE FREE! LORD WHY AM I ALWAYS INCONTENT! And God just said, you'll never be happy doing this, and your blaming others for not being able to be you when I've given you full access. (Ouchy again).
This is something the lord has shown me that I have done my whole life.I have conformed and attached to my surroundings. If I'm with certain people similar to me, i’ll just be Andrea. But if I'm with someone who , lets just say is not comfortable with praying a certain way is more reserved. I just shut down. Ill make up someone new, Ill be cool Andrea and just chill. DOESNT THIS SOUND RIDICULOUS! Im so embarrassed to post this but I don't even care because I know so many people feel the same way.
We all want one thing in this life, to be accepted and loved whether were vulnerable enough to admit it or not.
Where does this all stem from? Insecurity! And why? Because I don't look to my father for who I am. I fear man. OUCHY! This is something Im starting to walk in, and its great! Of course their is always room for refinement , loving with a pure heart, and changing the icky in you that God needs to take out still. But I'm talking with daily just being unafraid to be absolutely you no-matter who you’re around. And let me tell you! It feels great! I don't even care anymore because the lord has just placed this freedom in me. 🙂
God has transformed my spirit from sarcastic, snotty, selfish, rebellious Andrea to who I really am. Which are the fruits of the spirit :). Do I daily have to surrender and repent. Absolutely. But lets just say After I met the lord their were some people I had to call from High-school, (teachers, friends) and apologies for a lot of the mess and hurtful things I had done. THANK THE LORD FOR FORGIVENESS !!!!
The moral of the blog is, LOOK THE THE LORD FOR YOUR IDENTITY! And once you believe who he created you to be and spend time with him you will transform! DAY BY DAY! THE END!
I FInd Joy in the lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
