So these are just some of the things God was speaking to me during my time in China. One night, I could not sleep as these questions and thoughts were swirling around in my mind and heart. These questions continue to challenge me to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. So. Here are my thoughts!
Do I truly know that God loves me? What is my understanding of His love? Do I treat it as merely a feeling, an affection that will come and go as I please and displease Him? Do I understand what it means to be loved unconditionally or do I project my own human experience of love unto God? Do I think I can actually displease God when Jesus has literally taken my sin? Do I really think God can be upset with me when He sees me through the lens of His Son now? Do I have a proper understanding of what faithfulness is? Do I think God is frustrated when my faithfulness does not measure up to my standards? Do I understand that God is faithfully committed to me, regardless of my wandering? Am I truly committed to Jesus or am I more concerned about how I feel? God is who He says He is. God is faithful. He will finish His work. He does not go back on His word. It is impossible. God is love. Agape. God is agape. 1 Corinthians 13 should cause me to shout and sing for joy at the perfect love of God and not shrink away in shame. Why do I use this passage as a checklist for me only?! NO! This is how God loves. "[God] is patient and kind. [God] does not envy or boast. [God] is not arrogant or rude." You see? God is agape. God not only loves to be loved, He cannot help but love for the sake of His creation. He takes delight in loving us. He is DELIGHTED by His son Jesus. Jesus is in me. So what does that mean for me? God thinks I am absolutely brilliant! I am a completely new creature! His Spirit is now in me. He dwells inside of me. He is closer than my very breath. God is totally 100% committed to and CRAZY about Jesus and Jesus is in me therefore His love is all for me. He will not turn His back. He will not leave me. Sometimes I just don't even know how to express how much His love amazes me. My words are not really enough. My mind cannot fully comprehend but I want to sink deeper. I want to dive into the love of God and go DEEP. I want to be completely engulfed in His love. I want to get lost in Him, get found in Him, and get filled by Him. ALL THE TIME. I also want to be rooted. I want to stand my ground when affections have gone. I want to be sure, sound, secure, steady, able to stand firm on His promises when the winds blow and the rains fall. In every season of life, I am rooted and grounded in the love of Christ. And I want my roots to go DEEP. Deeper than the oceans. My roots are growing thick, strong, consuming all the love and goodness of God. My roots, the very foundations of my being abide and remain in Him. He is my life-source. My breath is from His Spirit. My bones are no longer dry. He has breathed life into me. My heart beats because of Him. Resurrection flows through my veins. His blood instead of mine. His body instead of mine. He has captured my heart and made it good. He made up His mind about me before I even had a choice. PRAISE GOD!
