One of the theme struggles I have dealt with preparing for this year and while on The Race is accepting that God is my Provider. A very obvious struggle for someone who has been taught that we have to earn everything we have; even love. Every month has had a new challenge to help me walk through surrendering my illusion of control and becoming a dependent child of God.
This month is no different. We are currently living in a small rural jungle village, hours outside of the big city. For most of my Race journey, I have had the opportunity to serve the poor or needy, but I have returned “home” to more comforts than those I served. This month we are living much closer to those we are serving. Our host, a local pastor, is still living above the standards that many of the neighboring village members live at, but it is far from American standards.
For most of my life I had to provide for MY life. It was all about ME. But He has shown me the truth this year when I gave Him opportunities show up… And He did!! (I wrote a blog about that, check it out: http://andreachvatal.theworldrace.org/?filename=going-broke-for-the-lord ) While this walk to let go has been difficult, it has been preparing me for something much bigger. And that is to live my life like this every day.
He has provided in this season, time and time again. He has provided above and beyond what I could have even prayed for myself. He has shown me that I can place my trust in Him, that He has the desires of my heart in His hand, and that He loves to make His daughter smile. He has shown me He is the ultimate Provider in all areas of my life. I know that. But I am still currently struggling.
I am struggling with seeing my life here, on the field, as being the same as it will be when I go home. That He can do miraculous things in America as much as He can in the African bush, or in a shack in Nepal. In my head I know He can, but I am struggling to move that belief down to my heart. So how do you walk into a new season with struggles like these? Faith and Trust.
If I learned one thing this year it is that faith, even in things that hold fear or worry, will not be defeated. So I will finish this season in reflection, praise, love, enjoying every moment, and loving on those around me. I will end this season well to be able to walk into the next season well. To do that I hope to step out in faith and trust that God, who has showed me how much He loves me, provided for me each step, and promised to always be there, will in fact be there. That His love and affection for His daughter won’t deplete because of a location change. He will provide for me each and every day, just as He has been. I have nothing to fear because He is God and I am His beloved.
So I am placing my fears and anxiety of what is to come next when I return home to the side, and trusting His plan and that He will provide for all my needs. Whether that is through me working a job, someone donating money, or a miraculous check showing up in the mail, I know He will provide. I just need to continue keeping my eyes looking up, and He will take care of the rest. He is our Provider in all seasons of life. Now I am being asked to walk that faith and trust out in what will likely be the hardest place to do that; America. This year has challenged my heart, and I think The Lord knows I am ready for this next big step… So, let’s do this thing 🙂 I know as long as I have Him, I will be good!
