I lost myself and found who I am.
I’ve thought so much about how to express what God has shown me, and how to explain this journey that is taking place in my soul and spirit and mind…
This is it.
I LOST MYSELF AND FOUND WHO I AM.
It’s like I’ve spent the last few years in an identity crisis and didn’t even know it.
How is that possible?
Life hurts.
Actually, let’s be real here…
it hurts a lot.
What do we do when life hurts?
Depending on what it is… right?
If its something we deem as “a big deal”: We deal with it. We hurt. We cry. We process it.
Something “minor” or deemed “normal” or “justifiable”: We ignore it. Pretend it didn’t happen. We “move on.”
We are often told: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
“What you go through makes you who you are”
“Things could be worse” etc, etc…
While all these may be true to some degree…. they are also deceiving.
They essentially teach us to “just move on” because the “small things” don’t matter.
Since when did something that hurts, regardless of how seemingly “minute”,
become something that doesn’t matter?
Last I checked, the condition of your heart matters to God…
There’s a grieving process. It’s normal. It’s not just for the “HUGE” things/ battles we face.
You don’t always have to have it together… That’s what HE is for. HE holds you together.
So… What does this have to do with “I lost myself and found who I am”
right…. let’s get back to that. 😉
I’ve spent my life ignoring hurts or passing them off as “normal.”
I’ve built myself to be someone who is “strong”… after all, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”… right? I built myself to be independent, to be strong for others… to prove I will become better than my circumstances…
Honestly though, I’ve created myself to be a pillar of pride.
All these things, all these hurts I’ve “overcome”- they molded me into who I’ve been. How I acted. How I reacted. How I viewed myself and How I viewed God.
I’m no longer myself.
Somewhere, in the midst of seeing God provide $2000 in less than 2 weeks, scarce bucket showers, eating food with my hands, allotted “processing” time and being engulfed in community…
I found who I am.
I’m not strong.
I’m not independent.
I’m not here to be strength for others.
I’m not proving I’m higher than my given circumstances.
I am nothing, of myself.
i am weak. CHRIST GIVES ME STRENGTH
i’m not self-reliant. I AM DEPENDENT ON CHRIST.
i can’t help people, BUT CHRIST IMPARTS TO ME COMPASSION AND WISDOM
I FAIL, BUT HE LIFTS ME UP AND ALLOWS ME TO SOAR WITH HIM
TO RUN AND NOT GROW WEARY.
THAT IS WHO I AM.
I am what Christ calls me up to
That’s enough.
In the midst of this journey, I’ve lost myself.
I’ve lost who I have created myself to be.
I’ve lost the self obsessive
self protective person I’ve been.
I’VE FOUND WHO I AM &
THAT’S ALL I WANT TO BE.
I challenge you,
what are you allowing to define you?
How are you trying to be strong?
What are you normalizing, justifying and pushing down- pretending or even thinking you’ve dealt with?
I challenge you to un-normalize it, bring it up, let it no longer make you who you are…go through the “grieving process” even with the “little” things….
let God sweep in, show you where He has your heart and let Him show you WHO YOU REALLY ARE…
with all the love in my heart,
Andie
