Sometimes, on the world race you have days where life is just REALLY hard.
Sometimes, you really can’t pin-point why or what happened to make you completely discouraged and want to go home.
Sometimes, you get really tired and will just want the easy way out.
Sometimes, you just want to cry because you’re so overwhelmed with how much has changed and how many things will never be the same.
Sometimes, being uncomfortable constantly is annoying, and you just want some comfort in your life like a comfy king sized bed with a big ole comforter and a super cold air conditioned room. (maybe thats just me)
Sometimes, you’ll get tired of being looked at as the super-hero every unbeliever or believer has been waiting for, and you’ll be around people in another country that will see the power in you and think its you when they have that capability for the same power they just have to reach for it.
Sometimes it’s just hard to explain that to them
and sometimes you just have to trust that the Lord will do it Himself…
Sometimes, that’s just exhausting.
Sometimes, praying for healing is so tiring.
Sometimes, praying a blessing is so tiring.
Sometimes, loving your teammates gets old and you just don’t want to do it anymore.
Sometimes, (all the time) you can’t grasp the day, because it’s never something we are capable of grasping. So much can change in one minute.
Sometimes, feedback gets old.
Sometimes, team time seems like a chore.
Sometimes, you just have to be willing to press in.
You have to be willing to dig in.
You have to be willing to say yes, when everything in you says hell no.
Today, I was in one of those places.
We have house visits every monday, tuesday, and wednesday and my team leader had asked me if I would be the point person to lead the night however the Spirit in me wants to lead it.
I began to state my frustration with this idea and how doing house visits are really taking so much more out of me than I imagined.
Last night, we prayed for so many people for 2 hours straight,
(in that we experienced 3 people get healing in the name of Jesus, PRAISE GOD!!!!!!)
and I spent the last prayer exchanged interceding on my teams behalf because I was feeling the spirit of tiredness over all of us.
It was just so exhausting but rejuvenating at the same time but exhausting.
In my head, I was thinking that if thats what today was gong to be like, nope, I was out, not interested, not feelin it.
We spent 30 minutes in worship corporately as a team.
During that time, the lord kept saying:
“get alone with me.”
“But God, my teammates will think i’m choosing out of worship, they already see I’m in a bad mood. I’ll just get feedback on it later, I don’t want that feedback, I don’t want them to get the wrong idea.”
“get alone with me.”
I ignored him for a good 5 minutes, but he was persistent.
So, I got up, went into the room, threw myself on my sleeping pad and began crying out to the Lord.
I was telling Him how exhausted I felt,
telling Him I wasn’t interested in being around my team,
telling him I didn’t want to be a part of this anymore,
telling Him I wanted to just go home where it was easy,
telling Him I was tired of being uncomfortable,
telling Him I didn’t like how I was perceiving how others were viewing us,
telling Him I was tired of looking like this super-hero,
telling him how I didn’t want to lead tonight because I don’t know how I would even do it, telling Him I was tired of loving those around me.
I was so tired.
Just so so tired.
“I know you’re don’t want to lead, but will you?
This is how its going to be sometimes.
You’re not going to want to do things, but I will want you to do them.
Whether you do it happily or not, my question to you is, will you?
You don’t have to seek joy, I’ll give that to you when you listen and obey.
You don’t have to do anything.
I’ll give you the words to speak and actions to do.
You just have to be a tool willing to do what I ask when I ask it.
Its okay that you’re not happy about this.
It’s okay that you don’t want to do it.
It’s okay that you don’t want to love.
But my only concern and hope is, will you?
Will you do it even when you don’t want to?
Don’t let others perceptions of you discourage you.
BE ENCOURAGED, because its glorifying me.
It shows my presence in your life.
Through you, people wonder about me.
Just be and do, I’ll do the detailed work.
You’re okay, now go back to your team.”
Something He reminded me of after was this:
Be encouraged and take heart.
When your tired, its not in your own power that you will gain rejuvenation and strength,
it’s through the power of the Holy Spirit that lives INSIDE you.
All you have to do is BE and let go of your control.
There will be many things in your life that you just won’t want to do, but the Father is persistent and will keep asking you until you are willing.
Will you be willing?
