I spent more time being sick than I had wished. Laren was sick with me, and kristy was being our mom and support nursing us to good health. I had missed about a week and a half of ministry resting and recuperating.
Kris didn't want to miss ministry and Lare was feeling good enough to go back to the village. So, I spent two days alone… and that was a crazy time… considering I hadn't been alone in 7 months.
The moment they had left, i began to feel lonely. I spent some time looking through old pictures, deleting the ones I shouldn't keep, that started to do more damage than good. Soon after, I put myself in a situation that set me two steps back.
This month I had come so far overcoming desires and people, putting my focus on Jesus and the people around me.
But the moment I was alone,
I began to live in the past again.
I had come so far…
I had come so far…
and the moment i looked back,
I was sucked back into self pity, self desire, my wants, me.
then began to write…
recently, I've felt in my spirit to share this and I believe it's because someone needs to read it.
Whoever this is for, I hope this speaks to your heart.
"Month 2 I was so at peace with not having him, even though it hurt. For the first time, i imagined my life without a man. For the first time, I dreamed about my future and my plans without someone else in it, without worrying if his and my plans would align… and if they didn't, I would compromise, every time.
I never cared about myself. I've always cared about myself with a man.
Why do i do that to myself?
I need to find healing and freedom from this crap lie.
I have been healed and freed from this crap lie.
I matter.
I belong to the Lord alone.
My importance doesn't depend on my relationship status. I am important.
My dreams matter.
Someone should never make me feel like what i think i deserve is too much.
This is my chance to really begin to walk in who I am, what i stand for, what I believe, and what I want.
I shouldn't waste my time away focusing on the past.
I've made mistakes, I have to give myself grace for that.
This is my chance to find myself.
Oh, Daddy,
Don't let me lose sight of why you have me here…
so often I look to what has already happened, don't let me, Father.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, You are so sweet for bringing me here… you are so amazing for giving me this opportunity. How I want to stay focused on You, my Lord.
But my eyes keep falling down to the pleasures of this earth, the pleasures and satisfaction of being wanted. GOD, my God, take that burden from me. I AM wanted, by you. Open my eyes to see more clearly.
Take the scales away so I can focus on what's important; Your Kingdom, my life, and my journey with you.
I've wished my time away too much and too often.
I will choose to take action to seek your face and expect for your Kingdom to come with each new day ahead. Daddy, I need you… gosh how i need you.
Every hour, no, every minute I need you.
The enemy is on the prowl to keep my focus off of you and if I let him, i can forget where you are.
Holy spirit, protect me. Protect me from my mind, protect my heart, protect my words.
Allow me to be faultless before my Father. Wash me clean from my sin. Help me to forget the petty things
Thank you, Dad. For reminding me of this.
Thank you for reminding me of the gift you've given me.
For this adventure.
I am found faultless before the King.
I am a new creation.
I am loved.
I am cherished.
I am worthy.
I am a fighter.
I am creative.
I am smart.
I am no longer chained to my past.
I am set free through the blood of Christ.
I am HOLY
I am set apart.
My hope is NOT found in earthly treasures, but at the FOOT of the cross.
I am redeemed.
I am renewed.
I am his child, his daughter, his chosen.
I am adored.
I am a holder of keys that unlock truth in others lives.
I am prophetic.
I am encouraging.
I am beautiful.
I am a dreamer.
I am a visionary.
I am His hands and feet.
and its all because you love me.
Father, thank you for leading me out of death.
Thank you for your conviction when I fall into wrong doing.
Thank you for redemption and for looking Holy and pure in Your sight because of the cross.
Thank you that you see me as faultless and blameless and you don't count my sin, but instead look at me as a new creation every single day.
Thank you that you invite me into a life of freedom.
Thank you that you are a God that has planned my life way before I was born, therefore all I have to do is take on the day in confidence because every step I take has already been ordained by you.
Thank you for always working everything out for my good.
No mater what storm I face I don't need to worry or be fearful because you will always lead me out.
So, Daddy,
I thank you for my storm.
I thank you for always having ordained a clear way out that will make me wiser, stronger, more bold, and to fall more in love with you.
Thank you that with your strength and self control, I will come out of this.
You promise that you near the broken hearted and crushed in Spirit.
You promise that your plans for me will not harm me, but will prosper, give me hope, and a future.
You tell me that I am in your best interest, therefore, you know what is best for me.
You promise to give me the desires of my heart. You promise to always take care of me.
You promise to sustain me.
You promise to protect me.
You promise me Your inheritance.
You called me out and brought me in.
You've called me daughter, lover, and friend.
Because of your promises, I will stand firm. I will continue to trust you until you deliver me from my storms.
I know you are good and with you I can do all things.Giver of good gifts, thank you for the gift of this storm."
How will you choose to respond to your storm?
